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Should I go through with it? Or should I get away from this guy?
I need to figure this out by tomorrow night, so please help me out. I'm a 17 year old female. I'm 4'10 and quite skinny. I am pretty small (I say this because I might just be an easy target.. I don't know). At school today, during lunch, this black guy that I've never seen before came up to my friends and I and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no. He said his friend over at his table wanted my number and all that. Long story short, 3 guys at this guy's table got my number. I went over to them like 4 times because the guy asked me to and one of the times, they asked if my friends gave head. I said they'd have to ask them, in a sarcastic way. Then they asked if I did and I said "I'm gonna go now" and they said they were just kidding.
After school, one guy texted me. He was the one that had his friend go over and talk to me, apparently. Our texting turned pretty sexual quickly. Please, no one judge me. I was repeatedly saying that no, I wouldn't send him any pictures. I stood strong on my belief that it's not good to send dirty pictures. But this guy wants to meet up with my tomorrow at a movie theater.
He wants to do sexual things in the theater and "if it's good, go over his place to have sex." I'm not at all comfortable with doing ANYTHING like that at the movies. But I tend to let my sex drive lead me into things. I'm attracted to him and actually want to have sex with him. But I just met him... Do normal girls ever feel like this? Like, stuck on what decision to make? I just don't know.
It doesn't feel right but at the same time, I want it. My social life hasn't been so good lately because I recently lost my best friend. I just kind of want to do something, you know? I don't even know... Would going through with it make me a terrible person? I don't even know if I can get out of it now..
Thanks in advance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm gonna focus on a couple phrases that stuck out to me:
"I recently lost my best friend."
It doesn't matter if it was because of a death (though if it was, my sincerest, deepest condolences), or a falling out - a loss is a loss. You must be grieving. Recognize that there are stages to the healing process, and that sometimes the emotions that you feel in this process can lead to self-destructive behavior.
That said, having a one night stand isn't necessarily self-destructive. It only is if you allow it to be. If you FEEL like it's the wrong thing for you - not because someone else thinks so, but because YOU do - then don't do it. If you're okay with just having some physical connection with someone, maybe because you feel disconnected from people right now, having lost your friend, then it's OKAY.
The action in and of itself does not make you a bad person by any means. But for your own sanity, I encourage you to think about why you're drawn to do this.
"I don't even know if I can get out of it now."
You can get out of anything you get into. If you don't want to go through with this, or you have hesitations about how you might feel afterward, just tell him, "You know what, I thought I wanted to do this, but I really don't." You don't have to give him a reason. You don't have to justify yourself. Even if you're at the theater, or at his house, you can change your mind. A "no" ALWAYS overrules a "yes." If you DO want to do it, don't lie to yourself about the reason for having made the choice you did. You can lie to everyone else, if you want, but it won't do you any good to lie to yourself.
To answer your question, yes, normal girls do feel like this. Wanting something physically and having your brain screaming at you not to go through with it (or even the other way around) is perfectly normal, and common, actually.
The only remaining thing I have to say is this: If you decide to go through with this, MAKE him wear a condom. STDs and pregnancy are no joke. Don't forget that as a girl, you have the upper hand. If he resists wearing a condom, he doesn't get to have sex with you. Never allow anyone to push you to do something you're uncomfortable with, no matter what. Make educated decisions, not hormone-induced ones (though believe me, I remember what it was like to be your age, and that was really hard to do sometimes).
Above all, remember, it's FINE to enjoy yourself. Be responsible about it, and you'll have nothing to worry about.
Siren
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Everyone's different when it comes to sex; some people are ok with strangers, some wait till they know the person, some wait till there in love, and lastly marriage. You need to stop thinking of them as "standards" (making a person terrible or good) and just figure out who you are. It seems to me your the type that's ok with strangers and you probably are, the only things that's standing in your way is what others think of you (you'll learn that's not a good thing). By letting what other people think of you control your actions your basically what people want you to be and not your own person ( a women).
Your attracted to the guy, you want to have sex and your ok with what can happen (pregnancy, stds) then to go ahead. The only think that worries me here is that it's a little reckless; you dont know the guy very well so you don't know what he can try (there's 0 trust in the relationship that you have), just remember that. To be honest I wouldn't expect any less from him. See its ok to be comfortable having sex with strangers but a guy that doesn't know you and talks to you like your a slut, well.... He obviously doesn't respect women. That is not to say that all guys that have sex with strangers don't respect women. A guy that you could feel a little safer with would talk to you, maybe get to know you a little better and let you come up with the idea. That is someone that treats you like a person where as this guy treated you like a object from the second he met you, see the difference?
I can't put a bias on this because the advice would be completely different so I'm going to tell you what's in your best interest. That is if your ok with sex with people you don't have boyfriend girlfriend relationship feelings for then get a sex friend (fuck buddy). You have a friendship with them so you know that they respect you, will be honest with you, and above all you will be safe.
Gl and don't say stupid things "don't even know if I can get out of it"; it's sex we're talking about not a school exam. You have sex with whoever you want to (and obviously wants to with you), that is something we all have in common. Nobody can be proud of themselves if they have sex with people they don't even want to
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