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I hooked up with my best friend :(
So I have been bestfriends with this guy for like three years. We are literally as close as brother and sister and I couldn't imagine life without him. I could go on and on about our relationship, but long story short, he gets me through everything. Until recently...
See there has always been a physical attraction between us. Can't help it, it's just there haha. We had never kissed, but we would hold hands, cuddle, I'd sit in his lap or kiss his cheek, even when one of us was dating someone else. Well, about a month ago he broke up with a girl he had been dating for eight months. He just didn't like her as much, and it was getting too serious (he didn't like that she wanted him to say "I love you" and stuff). Then, a week ago, we were joking around and somehow we started joking about hooking up (which isn't uncommon for us, inside jokes and stuff). And then all of the sudden, he got serious. He was telling me to come over, and it was like 1am. It took me like twenty minutes to finally believe he meant it. And I was pretty uncomfortable with it so I told him I wouldn't be able to sneak out. So he said, okay, I'll come over there. And I was like I don't know. And he just says "Look, yes, or no? Now?" and I said yes. He came over, we made out, and I gave him a handy. It was actually the most fun I'd ever had hanging out with someone. We would kiss then talk for an hour, then kiss somemore, till it was like five in the morning. When he left he texted me and said "bout time that happened. please don't tell anyone about this. I mean it was only a one time thing right?" And thing this I don't know. I'm so confused about my feelings for him now. And the week after was so confuing. He was a huge dick to me all week and we got in a huge fight and he said hooking up with me "wasn't the best decision he's ever made". That literally hurt. So. Bad. I started sobbing. I was a mistake to him. And I feel so stupid and confused. Like he used me, right? I was a rebound, why was I so dumb, why did I think I could hook up with him and it wouldn't change our friendship. He says he values our friendship more than anything in the world, so why did he do this to it?
Now its just weird. He asked one of my friends to this upcoming dance, who doesn't know anything that happened between us. She did feel weird and wanted to check with me before she said yes, make sure I knew she was just going with him as friends. And what could I say? So they're going together. He made it pretty clear he doesn't want to talk every day anymore. So we don't. He specifically told me "I know you don't wanna date me, but it honestly felt like we were at that stage. We would talk everyday and I don't want that." I just don't know what to do. He wants to pretend like it didn't happen but I don't think I can do that. I don't know what I want, and all I know is that this hurts me and I just want it all to be better. I don't like having to guess how I should act around him, I don't like feeling like a mistake, and I don't like feeling like shit.
PLEASE don't tell me all hope is lost. I don't think I could handle that. He's like my best friend. I can't lose him.
Me: 16/F. Him: 17/M
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You were a rebound. I think he was kind of upset at the fact that him and his girl broke up. He went to something that made him feel comfortable and gave him that sense of ease. That why he went to you.
Hooking up with your best friends isn't a great thing to do. It ends up with mixed emotions and sometimes an ending friendship.
Honestly, I think all hope is lost. I know you didn't want to hear it, but you have to stop lying to yourself. You need to realized the truth, and move on. If you really dind't want to lose him, than you should have thought about alllll that before you hooked up with him.
What you really need to do is sit down and talk to him. Let him know what you think about everything. Don't address him with how you feel, because guys don't work that way. They never go with how they feel, they go with what they think. They use their heads, while us as women, use our hearts.
Sit down, talk to him; and go from there.
It won't be easy, but you need to let him know that you love him as a brother, and that you agree that hooking up wasn't the best decision either. Let him know that you don't want it to come between you guys' friendship, and that your intentions aren't to be anything but just friends. You just want the uncomfortablness and everything to go away. Find out why he's been so distant.
Because to me, I honestly believe he is distant because he's scared that you think he wants to be with you, and he honestly doesn't know how to tell you that he doesn't. That it was just a one time thing.
But I'm always here if you need some more advice.
Let me know how it goes.
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Some friend...
I would say he used you, He took advantage of your friendship. The guy just got out of an 8 month relationship and whether it was serious or not he was still in it for 8 months. Yes, It was rebounding
He went from being out of a relationship to fooling around with his friend without even hesitating about it then the guy has the balls to tell you to keep it a secret?! What is he hiding?....He must be hiding something. When someone goes about keeping something a secret then apparently they don't want others knowing for a reason either that or he is ashamed about what happened. My advise to you is to never do something like that again, Sometimes when we think we can put our trust into someone we can't. You got it right, He pretty much took advantage of you. Best friends don't use friends, Think about it..... 1, He asked to see you late a night 2, Straight out of an 8 month relationship and 3, Don't tell anyone 4, He doesn't want to talk to you as much anymore? Hun, This isn't much of a friend. I would just try and accept it and move on and if you DO decide to remain friends please take this as a lesson learned the hard way and never do it again. The guy is a jerk in my personal opinion and if I were in your shoes I'd move on and find other friends. Sometimes it takes longer with others but I'd say the guy showed his true colors.
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