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need advice about relationship with teacher
HI Annabanna.
I just turned 22 years old very devoted Muslim. I am married with a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often. I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age. This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice/
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> My parents sent me to this Quran boarding school for girls for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little (I was the only one accepted out of my family. my brothers and sisters leaned from the Mosque). I learned a lot. You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister all younger than me.
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> But Abu, the school mater, that trained me—he and I were very close, even sexually in that school. It sounds strange but we kept it secret. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well –whatever. His wife was the one who gave me birth control pills to save my family and myself the shame. She said she did it for other girls to. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. We kept our sexual relationship till until my family moved to the UK. But this is a shameful thing in my past I don’t talk to people about it but now I have to because it is killing me inside. If my parents found out I would be dead DEAD. I learned ALOT about my body and sex and i am grateful to have learned these things from Abu. it was an amazing sexual experiuence over all. When I got married I lied to my husband like many of the girls I know to say I was a virgin. Otherwise I would never get married. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. . I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with three children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”.
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> Her daughter, Cameron, my niece she is now in Jordan with my family and they are sending her to the same school to learn the Quran. Abu is still teaching there. My sister said it is best to not talk about it and let her experiernece life and sex and everything else like we did. My friends tell me to expose this man. It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other girls because of the shame factor. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. I respect him. Am I weird and crazy?? But I don’t know what to do because now Cameron is there and my family did not think twice about sending her to that school because it has such a good reputation. My American friends tell me to make my sister take Cameron out of that school as soon as yestersay. I feel so mistrable because of what they tell me I am wicked. But my experience was good over all at that school. But they make me feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am depressed about this. I really want Cameron to learn from this very good school and Abu, but I don’t know what to do!! Please help me from going crazy…I don’t know what to do..i need help to think about this. I feel so judged by people. :(
PLEASE respond to jjordan2011@mail.com
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Dearest jjordan,
Hows your day going?
I am so proud of you for talking about this and letting your feelings, true feelings, out. It is a great big step and youre on your way to healing!
1) I am not a Muslim so I really dont know if I can advise you specifically about your customs and traditions. HOWEVER, I am a girl, a person like you and from the way I "feel" your letter, you are very bothered and I can understand why.
2) You have learned from your past BUT the best you can do is NOT LET THIS happen again to anyone ever again! You have to let Cameron out of the evil system (It may be the best school- but its Abu thats destroying its reputation as a good school).
3) Men should NEVER Take advantage of the position that they are in to do things to you! He is supposed to be a good example and to teach you but not do things to you that would scar you and make you guilty for the rest of your life! He is an evil person and you should let the proper authorities deal with him. DO NOT BE AFRAID. when you are doing the right thing, you will be blessed because the truth, the good triumphs over evil all the time! Your aunt has been in the same situation, so many girls too, i bet! and they are all silent, it takes a strong person like you to put this out in the open and so he will not take advantage of other innocent girls in the future! He should rot in prison and taught a lesson by skinning him alive!
I dont understand he has a wife? I just cant understand how this is going on.
I will pray for you- for strength and the courage to step up and stop the vicious cycle.
I am sure you have learned so many beautiful things and good things in the Quran like honesty? and being true to yourself... I dont know how a man can do this to girls! please YOU HAVE TO REPORT THIS!!! do not worry about what the reputation will be- YOUR REPUTATION WILL BE YOU ARE SICK AND TIRED OF THE EVIL AND WILL NOT LET IT BE! this is your chance to do good in this world. GO FOR IT!
Or maybe an anonymous letter? You can talk to someone in your church (do u have that) who can advise you how to give this man what he deserves.
Sorry for not replying in your e mail (my mail is acting up) just dont hesitate to write to me here... Good Luck!!!
Annabanana
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