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boyfriend trouble: My boyfriend hit me by accident, and now he won't forgive himself!
Well, I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months and over this past weekend, he and i got into a fight over something stupid, and he started hitting himself,(he does that from time to time because he gets frustrated) and i tried stopping him because i hate seeing him hurt, but in the commotion he accidentally hit me, and now i have a bruise on my arm. He was so shaken up that night, he threatened to kill himself because he hates abusive guys. and he wouldn't talk to me for an hour no matter how hard i pleaded. it's been a few days and he's still saying i deserve better, even though it was just an accident and i know he won't do it again, he still states that he did it, therefore not fit to be my boyfriend. he and i both know it was an accident, so how do i get him to forgive himself? he's really broken up about it, in the car today he was crying so badly i didn't know what to do... what should i do to make sure he goes over the limit? should i get him a stress ball or something?
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A stress ball? No. He is way past stress balls.
Your boyfriend is seriously mucked up right now. He needs help. Therapy would be best. He engages in self harm, threatens to commit suicide, and generally drags himself (and you) through an emotional roller coaster.
His reactions are completely out of sync with reality. Regardless of the reason that he feels and acts this way, he needs to get it under control, because if he can't, he'll be right: He won't be capable of being a decent boyfriend. If he can't find better ways to manage his stress and concerns, eventually, your relationship will need to end.
There is far more going on here then him accidentally bruising you.
You can't save him for his own brain. He needs therapy and the tools to save himself. The best thing you can do, is tell him to get help.
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Your boyfriend needs help, Therapy.
Despite how stressed, depressed he may be his behavior is not normal. Have you ever heard the saying "In order to love another you must learn to love yourself?" Your boyfriend cannot properly love you if he does not love himself. If he is depressed, His depression will over time wear you down as long as he doesn't seek help for his problem.
1, NEVER blame yourself for his actions, Despite someone not having a clear mind there is absolutely not excuse for getting out of hand. Everyone is control of their actions, He was out of line.
2, The best HE can help HIMSELF is if he gets himself into therapy. From the sound of it your boyfriend suffers emotional problems and in order to help himself he needs to want to help himself. You are his partner, Not a therapist. You can lend your support but your support can only go so far.
You both need to learn to communicate properly, Relationships will never get anywhere without it. Your boyfriend handled himself childishly, Discussing something should be sort out in a mature manner not a 5 year old throwing a tantrum.
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