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does he want me? he has a partner and a child but is he just using me or is there something there?
Hi I am new to all this so I don't really no how works but I'm lookin for advice I'm sorta having an affair with someone he has a partner and a child I'm the single one but is he just using me or is there something there I have feelings for him but can't work out if he does me plz help xx
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Hello. Welcome to Advicenators. I hope you enjoy your stay. Bathrooms are located to your right. I joke.
Seriously though, stop this. You are involved with a man who has a partner, and a child. If you feel that he doesn't have feelings for you, then let it go. Its unfair to his partner, and (most importantly), the child.
You should surely be mature enough to realise that an affair is a devastating thing. This (I assume) is purely sexual, as you say you're not sure he has feelings for you. I assume he meets you for sex, and not just to watch the sunset and talk about your futures together.
You can have a sexual relationship with anyone. Pick someone who you like, who is single, and does not have children.
You are clearly not in love also. You feel he is using you, you only have 'feelings' for him, and you 'can't work out if he does' you. So it's not too late to be selfless and let this relationship end. You simply are starting to like him, and that's if it has moved on from lust.
And whether he is using you is a matter for you to decide? Do you talk? Do you share your emotions? Do you do anything except for having 'intimate relations' ? If no, then he probably is using you.
So do think about this, and once you have, make the right decision by ending it.
Hope I helped :)
P.S. Below, you will see a ratings scale. Feel free to rate answers depending on how useful you think they are. 1 is 'abusive', 3 is 'neither helpful nor unhelpful', and 5 is 'excellent'. 2 and 4 obviously take their own place.
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I've never been in your situation but your question saddens and annoys me in equal measure.
Every time I've heard of this kind of situation, the same things have been said and done by those concerned and it usually ends the same way - everyone gets hurt.
Men are human, with similar thoughts and emotions to women but they have different motives. Women crave affection, reliability and commitment; achieveing these would ensure that any children they have will have the security of two parents in a stable relationship. Men want affection, excitement and a sense of sexual freedom; this leads them to seek that freedom and excitement by settling with one woman for a while then moving on to someone else. These are massive generalisations of course; there are many people of both sexes who share the some or all of the traits of the opposite sex.
So, while your guy is with you, he may well mean exactly what he says, every word is heart-felt, but when he returns home to his partner, real life takes over, parental/partner responsibilities and necessities kick in and he's caught up with them.
I don't know any statistics of how many men actually leave one partner for a new one, but for you, I think it only means pain. How long can you stand on the sidelines, waiting for him to find a window to fit you in? Do you always want to be second-in-line to his primary partner and child? What if you get pregnant?
My advice is to drop him before you get too involved, and find yourself someone who will love and care for you and you alone.
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes, x.
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