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I Lie? I don't want to go to college next year if I am going to still be lying all the time! How do I stop?
I'm 17, a Female, and Last year i was a junior in high school. I had, since freshman year, stuck close with one girl and our friends were mutual friends. We spent every second together and were "best friends". Not really, because she made me feel terrible about myself and Junior year she started doing drugs and i tried to stop her. She didn't listen to me, ditched me for other people, and that is when I got very sick. So sick that I was out for half a year. Now here is where the lying came in- I wasn't THAT sick. But i was out for half of the school year on home-bound school. My stomach had problems emptying and I couldn't eat, I was weak and lost hair and weight. I visited the school to take midterms and the kids told me how good I looked- how I had lost weight (not how they missed me, they didn't ask if i was ok?)I had no friends. I basically gave into not eating. I really don't know why, but ever since I have a hard time with my body and self-esteem. I go back to not eating some times. It isn't really an eating disorder though. So anyways, I started wanting to go back to school now that I was a size 2 instead of a 10. When I did, people said some awesome things about me being thin but also things like "wow, you missed way to much school" and a rumor spread that I had cancer. So I went with it. I'm a senior now. These things happened last year! I still tell people I had cancer and I still secretly deal with not eating! I still have NO FRIENDS! and I keep food diaries, I REALLY like a guy that only wants to have sex with me, and I can't stop hating everyone who hurt me in the past... This is so embarrassing. I just don't want to go to college next year being like this so please give me advice.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Therapy.
You've had genuine struggles, and frankly, your classmates responses sound far more like they are confused and immature, not trying to be cruel.
They don't know how to respond. Serious illness doesn't touch your life much when you are a teen. They don't get it. Their lives are still too simple. They have no idea how to approach you, or the topic. Being ‘thin’ is a thing they are comfortably talking about, so they do that, even though in your case it’s absolutely the wrong approach.
Exaggeration and lying is wrong. It's good you want to stop, but also remember that you were struggling with a whole bunch of things and found an outlet and a way to feel more at ease with it by lying. It's still wrong, but it's understandable, and you should no more hate your classmates for not knowing what the hell to make of your serious illness, then you should blame yourself for using a bad coping mechanism.
To work on forgiveness and moving on, talk to a therapist. Your doctor or school should be able to give you a reference. No sane person would expect you to deal with years of illness and confusion and being home bound as a teen without needing some help. Ask for it. And if they hesitate or don’t understand, keep asking until you get it. You deserve it and you need it.
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