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Moving On
It's been a year since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend (we were together for 2 years), but I still think about him every day. Last summer, we reconsidered working things out and ended up kissing again, but in the end, he told me that he could not handle being in a long-distance relationship (we were together in high school but we go to different colleges). I was hurt because it felt like he was telling me that I wasn't worth it. I thought that no matter how difficult long distance is, he'd try if he really wanted to be with me. The thing is, I'm the one who broke it off in the first place because I couldn't see myself being happy with him in the future, but now I feel unsure if I did the right thing. I can't understand why I feel this way. He told me that he still wanted to be friends, but then he stopped talking to me all of a sudden. It's been a few months since we last talked, yet I still can't stop thinking about him. I guess I just can't let this go without knowing why. If he had told me from the beginning that he didn't want to be friends, I would be fine right now. I just feel like I deserve an explanation at the very least, not just a cold shoulder. My best friend thinks that I should try one last time to talk to him and clear things up, but I think that it'll only worsen the situation, since I'm pretty sure that he no longer cares whether I'm alive or not and he's probably with someone else already. I realize that I have no one else to blame but myself for being in this situation, since I'm the one who chose to break up, but I feel really lost right now. It's seriously affecting my concentration and everything else that I do. I really need some advice, please.
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I've been in two situations that are very similar to yours.
The first situation I was telling my ex that I didn't know if we were meant to be and that I didn't feel like there was a 'spark' anymore. I found myself getting bored of him. We broke up and I don't if it was the rejection or if I just was uncomfortable being alone but I didn't take it very well. I talked to him and told him he should take me back. He denied me. He told me let's be friends. He would ignore and treat me like I was a nobody. I couldn't stand it and it broke me. I had to go through a lot to get him off my mind. What I did was I pointed out to myself the things that bugged me most about him and the things that I originally could not stand. I knew there was a reason for why I wanted to break up with him but I guess I forgot it because I was so hurt by the rejection. I believe everything happens for a reason. I wasn't meant to be with him.
However there was this other guy who I had feelings for, for awhile anyway. I couldn't help but wonder what was to become of us. I was with him for a short while and made the decision that I didn't want to be with him because I was scared. I always found myself making excuses because I was scared of getting hurt. These feelings I had were none that I had experienced before and were intense. Well I made a decision that I could no longer be with this guy and I broke up with him. He took it hard and he didn't speak to me for awhile. Soon after I thought of what I had done I realized I made a huge mistake. I called him and called him. I was upset to say the least. This time I knew that this guy was not someone I appreciated enough and never took the time to tell him how afraid I was of losing him in the first place. I was lucky enough to have him come back into my life again. I'll never again make the mistake of making a quick decision like that.
I know you are probably wondering why am I telling you these stories. It's giving you perspective of what can happen when you make decisions and what the consequences may lead to. Do you really believe this man is someone that will be in your future? Can you imagine living without him? Can you see the two of you building a family?
Right now, you might be thinking more with your heart but try thinking with your head. Does this guy bring anything to the table? Did he make you want to be a better person?
You should know your worth and no one else can define your worth. You need to think about what you really want. Some people can't handle distance and I know I've been there. It gets to a point where you have to decide what is best for you. Some guys stop talking to their ex girlfriends because they still have feelings. They don't talk to us because they don't want to rehash anything and they don't want to hurt anymore than they do. If he said he doesn't want to be with you than you should respect his decision and don't push him anymore. The only thing you are doing by bringing it up again is just ignoring what he said. How would you feel if someone kept trying to talk to you and your answer continued to be 'no'? Take this and learn from it. You might be feeling rejected and that doesn't feel good.
Try to take your mind off of it I know its difficult! Maybe you could talk to a friend or a therapist or maybe someone you trust. It can be hard sometimes to let this go and you eventually will let it go and move on. Right now what you need to do is think with your head and not with your heart. Try being positive and maybe hanging out with your friends. Good luck and cheer up :)
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