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I'm turning 21. Everyone in my house treats me like I'm 12, I am in college, and the stress is depressing me! Sorry this is long :-/
Every day, this is wearing me down. I think I'm really starting to get into a depression and because of having a positive personality, I've been able to get by. But, I really need some GOOD advice. On Wednesday, I'm turning 21. Everyone in my house thinks I'm 12. Or at least treats me like I am. Let's start with my mom. She loves me a lot. She has OPENLY ADMITTED that she is obsessed with me. I'm adopted and found out when I was 18. Even the way she speaks about the adoption... she says she was OBSESSED with finding me. It's nice to have someone love you. It's not nice to have someone be obsessed with you. Not to mention that I'm like her entire life. She has no job. My parents are divorced, so she has no husband/boyfriend. She doesn't want a boyfriend either. She says that is disgusting and that it would take time away from me. She doesn't even want any friends. She says she doesn't believe in friends. The only way she goes "out" is if she goes to dinner with me or drives me to my point of destination. A lot of people who meet my mom for the first time think she's "so cool." But, her obsessive ways have caused really big problems. She determines who I date, what colors I can dye my hair, the way I wear my hair, what I wear on any given day, what I put up on facebook, what friends I should hang out with, etc. We live with my grandparents. Therefore, my grandmother encourages my mom to drive me everywhere, especially at night. Personally, I don't always enjoy being driven around. I get motion sickness, which is not so much the case when I'm driving myself. She literally yells at my mom telling her that I can't go by myself out at night, throws herself on the floor crying. If I go out with a friend, so that my mom won't have to drive me, she calls me about 100 times in one night, and that's NOT exaggerating. More than anything, it's just frustrating because I think I've proven myself to be a responsible adult. I do not drink, and CERTAINLY do not drive if there's alcohol served at a party, I do not smoke, and my mom also knows that I have never had sex. Obviously, I know how to control myself. I get good grades. I know what I want to do with my life. Yet, she still loves to control me.
No one in my house cares about my school work. I'm studying to be a teacher. Those of you who are education majors know that it's hard work. In my school, you actually have to go to an elementary school and do hours. I need to take a minimum of 15-18 credits (which is about 5 to 6 classes) in order to keep my scholarship. I also need to keep a B average. I found this to be very stressful last semester because I was working. Usually, at least in my school, education and nursing majors are recommended to not work. Experience is great on a resume, so that is why we have to do so many hours in the schools. Nursing majors do their hours in the hospital, and so on. That's why there's so many scholarships available to us. It makes sense. But, to have all this, I have to work really hard. In my house, I don't have a desk or working space. I've asked a million times if I could get a desk and there's never "enough money." When I was working last semester, I was making nothing. About $400 a month. It was really horrible. I was working at school as a work-study and they really abuse of the work-study students. However, with those $400, I was paying bills. Remember, my mom doesn't work. I decided that since there was absolutely no money at all for me to even purchase food, that I would just quit my job and focus on school for now because I graduate in like a year and a half. And it's better to get what I have to get done so that I can enjoy my career!
I live in Miami and everything here is extremely expensive. A studio starts at like $900. And that's only enough space for one person. On a part-time job, I can only make like $600-$1000 IF THAT. That's not enough money to move out and support myself. I really need to finish school, most importantly. That is my main priority. I need to be a full time student (5-6 classes) to keep my scholarship. Another reason why I can't work full time is because none of the education courses are taught online. They have to be in person. Therefore, working more is not an option. Working at all isn't really an option either. My mom rents a property and gets money from the property. So, it's not like she has NO income. But, she spends the day helping my grandmother clean the house. It takes her ALL DAY to do this, yet... she can't make a tiny space for me to do my work? What she does is use my room as a storage/garbage. She takes all the dirty clothes and throws them on my bed. She goes to my make up counter and makes a HUGE mess. I usually get to school around 10am and am there till 10pm because of class/meetings/the hours at the schools, and I see underwear on the make up table. Just sitting there. I know I didn't put it there. I have been out of the house all day. I really do try to do my own things and keep my own things in place. But if I'm not home most of the time, what can I do?
To make a long story short, I feel tired. When I'm around my family, I'm just tired. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with my health, but when I'm with other people, I'm fine. When I go to other people's houses/places, I feel like cleaning and organizing. But, with the mess that they have created in my room/house and their controlling ways, I just feel exhausted. I have attempted at getting a dorm, but I got into a huge fight with my mom because she didn't want me taking out loans. I just try to brush off everything and not even care about it anymore. But, then I feel even more depressed. I've come to the conclusion that their never going to change and I have to learn how to deal with them. But, it's very, very hard.
I try to tell myself that at least I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and so on. But, it seems that in every direction I turn, I stumble into something. Like I'm in a maze. If you have advice to give me and were generous enough to read all of this, please do so now!!!
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Wow, that's terrible. I am surprised you haven't taken action already. You must be grateful.
You've taken so much already, I'd recommend to transition to living alone bit by bit.
Get a PT job, save up bit by bit and soon enough you will have enough to live in a cozy apartment.
You can also live with roomates/friends you meet within your teaching/education major.
Do not retaliate, it will only make things worse. Gradually, become independent from your family. Clearly, they will never change. It isn't your fault, I am actually inspired by your ability to not retaliate - Good job! Be grateful that your family is providing for you but you need to FIRST proove to yourself that you are capable of living by yourself or with roomates etc, then gradually inform your parents bit by bit.
If they don't agree etc. then you can't really do anything about it. You know whats right, just be confident and you'll do ok. Try getting support from your peers if possible...
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hold out til graduation and put plans in place (job ,a place.you might just have to run,make it short andsharp and painles..its not your job to work it out for them you have to look after you.they need to look at themselves not you and if you leave youl do them a favour .you an adult you have choices.
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