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Why do I keep isolating myself from everybody, when I need help?
why do I keep isolating myself from everybody, when I need help?
why do I keep refusing help?
why do I keep doing the same self destructive behaviors over and over?
why can't I get out of this cycle? I've been in it for the past 2 years
I used to be a good student
and now I don't know what's wrong with me
it's like I've become okay with bending the rules..expecting that teachers will take work late
skipping school because going to school is just painful
nobody in my town even really understands me, I don't really have friends here
I've lived here for nearly 2 years and I'm still an outsider.
all my friends are on the internet, or live considerable distances from me
I need to see a therapist but it's so hard to try and look one up...it's like I'm stuck
I keep making stupid decisions that aren't even in my own self-interest
I'm pretty sure my teachers hate me, and with good reason, as I've skipped doing homework in a lot of classes
I don't know why
I have a lot of free time, everyday. I don't have friends so I never hang out with anyone
I literally spend everyday on the internet and it's such a bad habit but I don't know how to break it
After a sh** day of school it's nice to relax on the internet..
when I'm at school I keep telling myself I'll do different today, I'll do different today
and then I come home and go on the internet, and I end up trying to cram homework the next day at school
and this has been happening the past 2 years
it's just so irritating and it makes me feel terrible to even look on sites like facebook
cause everyone's showing pictures with all their friends and going to parties and everything
and I haven't even done any of that in the past 2 years. and I'm a senior
the whole high school experience has just been terrible for me, so it just angers me to see people having a good time with it
and then they complain, when at least they have a good friend they can go to movies with, have sleepovers, hang out at their house
I'd do anything for a friend like that, a best friend, something I haven't had since my old town
but then again, I don't try here. cause everyone's so different from me, with all their country stuff here. i'm just a girl from the east coast. I don't get the country stuff, whatsoever
nobody gets my music, nobody has my interests, what am I supposed to talk about
i remember when I actually used to want to come to school, to love it
I didn't even apply for any college yet, when I have dreams for my future career that involve a lot of college
I just can't write essays and apply to a college when I don't think I'm good right now
how would my teachers here write good recommendations
my sister has mental problems
and it's hard on my family
i miss having my sister
it's like she's a different person after she just started "hearing voices" and what not
and then my parents just dismiss any problem I have, and say that I'm not sick like my sister, so I should do well
they don't know half the problems I have
I don't let them
they'd just criticize me, because that's what they do
and then it just makes me feel more ashamed in myself, and makes me procrastinate more
I don't even know.. it's hard to write this here
it doesn't feel like a relief.. it's like I'm just bracing myself for a negative reaction
but I'm just sick of myself for doing this.. why do I keep doing this, ruining my life
how do I stop
I guess you could call me a perfectionist, too. I can't turn in work unless I feel it's my personal best. so a lot of times it's very daunting to start work, especially big projects. People say it's wrong but I just don't see any logical reason why you shouldn't turn in your best work. But then again a lot of other things I'm doing are illogical
sometimes it's so overwhelming that I don't even do the work.. like because I don't do it, it can't not be perfect. and as my grades dive lower and lower the need to make things perfect increases. my grades dropping for no reason, since I have all the time to do work. I have so much make up work. how will I graduate. why am I so irresponsible
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It sounds like a lot of things have happened to you in the last few years. You've moved from the city to the country, a major life style change that is hard to make. Your sister has become ill taking your parent focus away from you and totally on to her. Possibly distorting what they see and hear from you as more of say sibling rivalry for their attention, which it is not.
You are under a great deal of stress. The stress of moving, the cultural change, trying to make new friends and school work just to name the obvious. Then it sounds like you were close to your sister and now she is not there to confide in.
If I'm hearing you right then you are suffering from stress related depression. This is not a mental illness as in how your sister is suffering. This is more a medical issue although it is recommended that you see a psychiatrist for medication as they are the best doctor to prescribe for this condition.
The reason being is hormonal. You need more of one or two hormones secreted in the brain to help you deal with the stress. You also need talk therapy with a trained therapist. This will help you deal with the stress, find the root cause of the depression and learn to deal with it.
Unlike manic depression, this type of depression generally resolves itself once the stressors are dealt with and or removed. I think in your instance once you deal with the stress and your parents understand how badly you are hurting the depression will be resolved though a little help from medication and therapy would be of help.
You need to talk with your parents and let them know how badly you feel and that you do need some help. If you can't talk to them then talk to a trusted teacher, school Principal or guidance counselor.
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