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Me again!
This is an expansion from my last question. I live in florida and he just moved to penn for college. I am going to college in north florida. He treated me badly cause he had a drug problem (pills) and lied constantly. Which i put up with for a year and a half but then when we were going long distance again after summer I was constantly uptight about him lying or leaving that I decided the stress was too much and thats why we broke up. (which I know is red flag but now that he is clean and sober I get sad thinking I got the druggie him and barely any of the sober...like some other girl will get the good stuff :/) and I love him still but like I said I really dont wanna get so hurt again..and I dont know if I can trust him. :/
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Oh, I see.
Long distance relationships are hard to do, especially without any trust. He could be going to college and still doing drugs, maybe not as much, but he will have his moments. Liars are never good with relationships. Lying is the main reason why trust is ruined. I know you love him, I can tell. No one would put up with as much as you have if you sincerely didn't love him. I know the pain seems very unbareable, but for all the crap he has put you through, you are going to thank him. You are only going to get stronger from this.
Heartbreak takes time to heal. Some longer than other. I think you have the ability to move on. The only way you will be able to move on is if you really want it in your heart. It's been a few months and you still haven't. That is normal girl. Each day that passes, I'm sure it seems like the pain may be getting worse, but its one day closer to be over with.
The only thing I can think of that will ease your heartbreak, is cutting all contact from him. You already have an advantage. DISTANCE. You don't have to see his face everyday, or have to worry about running into him anywhere. I know its going to be tough to not speak to someone whom you are use to talking to almost everyday, but if you want to move on; you have too.
If he texts you, delete it immediately. Delete his number (that one usually doesn't work, because girls have an amazing memory and remember guys phone numbers like its a song lyric, lol) But as soon as you get into the start of not talkin to him, I promise you it'll get easier.
I can understand why your parents and friends hate him. When you love someone, you are blinded by the things they do, that if your friend was going through it, and you was seeing it, you'd hate him too. But you also can't help who you love.
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If you feel as if you need one more try with him as being sober, than don't rush it. Is this his first time being sober? If it is, than I think he deserves a REAL second chance. Its been months and he hasn't given up on you yet. I know trust is a big issue here, and its going to take time to gain it back. In the mean time, instead of dating, try what people call "talking". Rebuild your relationship. It has to have a sterdy foundation, or it will crumble quickly. If he really loves you and wants you back, you have to let him know that he has alot of proving to do. If he wants you as his girlfriend, than he can't lie to you, hide things from you, and he has to stay clean. Let him know this will be his last chance, and if he blows it than he doesn't get anymore.
I know your friends and family won't approve, but its your life. You have to live for yourself, not for everyone else's happiness. Ok?
As of the whole getting hurt thing; I completely understand, sweetie. More than you could ever imagine. Getting hurt sucks. It sucks a whole lot.
You have to really sit down and think, "Is he worth getting hurt again? Is our relationship worth trying one more try?"
Only you can answer those things. The ball is in your court, and DO NOT let him steal it from you. Play your cards wisely, and make sure he can't play them better. You have to show him that he can't continue to mess up, and a few weeks or months later get you back. That isn't how it works. He also needs to understand that if you open your heart to him ONE LAST TIME, and he hurts you that its selfish of him. Your doing him a generious offer!
One more thing on the getting hurt subject:
It doesn't matter who you get with, one way or another you will get hurt. You could be with the guy your parents have always dreamed of you being with, eventually he will hurt you. He may not hurt you badly, but he will do something to hurt your feelings, make you cry, ect. Everyone is going to hurt you, YOU just have to figure out who is worth the pain.
Example: (these are boring I know, but its to show you, YOU CAN MAKE IT!)
---When I was 16, Me & this guy talked for almost two years, dated other people, ect. I always told myself that if it was meant to be, that fate would bring him to me. I fell for him, faster and harder than I ever fell for anyone. I was 18 when "Fate" brought him to me, after a month we had sex, I was outta my mind in love with this boy. Felt like a little kid around him, and a month after I had sex with him, he left me. He claimed he had mixed emotions; of course for his ex. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. All I could do was cry. When my mom got home from work, I was balling my eyes out, I had a panic attack. My nerves were so shot that I threw up, that night my mom was going to bed, and I was screaming and crying because I didn't want to be alone. Here I am, 18 years old, and I'm begging my mother not to leave me by myself at night. Sleeping at night was the hardest part for me. So she let me sleep with her. I'd check my phone every ten minutes, hoping he'd call me and tell me he made a mistake. I cried, didn't eat, could barely breathe. I swear I would have rather died that go through that again. Three days later, I recieved a phone call. It was him. He said he needed to talk to me. I went to his house, and he told me he called his ex, and was going to see if she wanted to hang out the day after he left me, to see if anything was there. Turns out she had a boyfriend;I felt so betrayed. I thought the only reason why he wanted me back was because his ex had someone, so he was just gonna settle with me. i was much more hurt than I was before. He cried, I cried, ect. He wanted me back.I made him work for it. Three weeks after that, we finally got back together. I was so scared he would hurt me again; or his ex would become single and he would leave me again; or worst of all, his mixed emotions would come back.
I realized I felt much better with him, than I did without him, and if it happened again, I would know it wasn't meant to be. I gave him his last chance. We have been together now for a year, and he hasn't hurt me like that again. Of course he hurts my feelings, and sometimes make me cry. But hey, what bf/gf doesn't? I followed my heart, and I'm so glad I did.
*That was really long, once again sorry to bore you; but I was living in hell, and I made it through it. Today when I think back, it still hurts me, sometimes I even cry. But I've gotten stronger.
Now, if you need anything else, please please please do NOT heistate to talk to me some more. I'm here for you, and I support whatever decision you chose to make, and I'll be here by you every step you make. I promise. I've been in your shoes before, and I know what its like to follow your heart, and to feel at peace and feel like you've made the right decision, when all those closest to you are mad, disappointed, and don't support that decision. You always have me to talk too. I'm not going anywhere at all.
Just stay strong for me girl. You will get through this one step at a time. I pinky promise!
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