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Finding out his Ring Size
This Friday I stayed the night at my boyfriend's house, we had a conversation that really stuck with me. It has definitely inspired what I want to get him for Christmas, instead of getting him a video game that he wants I want to spend the same amount of money on a promise ring. After purchasing it, I plan on getting it engraved on the inside with our names, and 4/18/2011 – the day that I agreed to be with his girlfriend. I have seen a few nice ones that I like, and that I think would fit his masculine, clean-cut and athletic tastes.
Doing the math we have been together for almost seven months, this is my longest romantic and sexual relationship. However we have been talking for about a year now, although I did end up choosing another guy over him at first which ended up being a mistake. As far as talking like guys and girls tend to do before getting into a relationship, we started talking in January. Obviously you can tell that I have been talking to him for awhile and know several things about him.
He really is a great boyfriend and goes above and beyond for me, he takes really good care of me. We have discussed the potential of marriage and since I first started seeing him, I have always thought that he has the traits that I want for my future husband to have, and often when we're together, I find myself thinking, “Why don't you just marry me already?” I told him that when we were lying in bed together and he basically proposed to me, I said, “I want to marry you one day, I really don't think that we're ready though.”
And we're really not, I'm only 20, and he's only 22, I'm about to start college (I'm a bit behind) and he's almost in the middle of his junior year of college, and we're both still living at home. He's unemployed and not too long ago I started a job working at a retail store, in which I have only been getting two days a week. As you can tell, realistically, we're in no point in our lives to be considering getting married.
I told him to ask me again when he's done with college, has a job and can afford to buy me an engagement ring. I do plan on saying yes then, although we won't be getting married until I'm working a full time job and have my college degree, since I consider one of the aspects of marriage to be having a family one day and I would like to have a wedding. I don't really want to be tied down with a husband a baby, until I get my degree. I also told him that for now we should get each other promise rings, since they're usually much more affordable and they symbolize a special type of commitment to each other.
To me the promise ring symbolizes that I do love him, want to have a future with him, that I really don't think that I can do any better, and that when it's the proper time for us to get engaged I will say yes.
My only issue now is determining his ring size, I really don't want to out and out tell him about me getting him a promise ring for Christmas. I would love it if he got me one too, but I want him to get me a promise ring because he wants to get me one, not because I'm getting him one. We live a state away from each other, so it's difficult for me to find out his ring size. Is there a way for me to sneak it? Like maybe next time I'm staying over night, measure his ring size when he's fast asleep? Or ask him to go to a jeweler with me, and get our ring sizes measured together? Anyone go through a similar situation, any ideas?
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This is a lot of writing to be simply asking "How do I find my boyfriend's ring size without asking him?" So I'll answer your short question, then address the rest.
The nice thing about rings is that if you're not getting titanium or cobalt (basically, if you're getting gold or silver) you can get them re-sized to within 2 sizes in either direction. Many jewelers will do it for free or for a small fee. That way it can be a total surprise and it will fit. Just ask the jeweler what size they think he'd be based on his body type. Sizes are pretty standard for most people.
As for the rest: my husband and I were discussing marriage within 2 months of starting to date. We just knew. We were engaged at 11 months, but we just got married in September... 4 years later.
What I'm saying is that making a commitment early isn't a bad thing. However, the fact that you feel that you'd be "tied down" by a husband and baby once you get married is one that should give you pause.
A good spouse is someone who works with you to achieve your goals, whatever those may be. Yes, my husband and I want to have children one day, but he knows that I want to finish college first. So he's working with me to make that happen. If anything it's liberating, rather than bogging me down, because I know I have someone to support me no matter what. So that's something to think about: if you feel you'd be tied down, you should wait until you're sure.
It depends from person to person what you think you need to get married. We wanted to have our own place, some semblance of financial stability and to be able to afford to feed ourselves and other people. Others want to have a gorgeous ring. I have a friend whose wedding cost $70 000, while ours cost $3000. Guess what? Both of us have the same thing, in the end. We're both married, we both have beautiful pictures and I actually came out ahead in the memory department because she was too tired to enjoy hers. Money doesn't make the marriage. It's pledging a lifelong commitment to one another through thick and thin.
My suggestions? Get to know each other better. Live together for a while, if your religion doesn't forbid it. Find out if you can handle him clipping his toenails on the living room couch, or if he can live with you snoring like a bulldozer. Once you can accept and even love all the warts and scars in each other, and you're okay with the idea of brushing your teeth next to the same person for the next 75 years, you're ready. You both have to be ready to sacrifice your way of living to meet on a common ground, which is a lot harder than it sounds. And if you think you're already there, you're not, because it's impossible to get there from hundreds of miles away from each other! What you're in is the honeymoon period, where each of you is on your best behaviour. If the relationship is meant to be, your feelings will only deepen with time.
I have to admit, I don't understand the promise ring thing, just like I don't really understand Valentine's Day or why diamonds cost so much. I suspect that they're pretty similar: just another ploy to get money out of people in the name of love. You don't need a ring to commit. You just need each other!
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Honestly, I wouldn't be discussing marriage until you are both out on your own and know what it's like to be independent. They say once a couple lives together it is the test of their relationship, If you can get past the first 6 months then you know you guys are able to successfully live with one another. If you want to get a promise ring you just simply ask him what his size is, If you don't want to be blunt about it then if you have any rings you could bring it up by staring at the ring and saying "Isn't my ring pretty?....Why don't you try it on to see if it fits on any fingers" Then of course it doesn't fit and you say "Oh, well I have small fingers...I think I wear a so and so size" then ask him what size he wears. (lol) odd but hey it might work. I wouldn't try and measure his size while he is sound asleep if he ever woke up that'd be really weird.
EDIT: Well good luck giving a ring to him, I think he'd like the video game much better anyway! You still live at home and aren't independent....I still stick by my word and if you don't want people making comments then don't put it in your question! ;)
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