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What to do if I am dating two best friends?
Please don't judge...and if you must, please refrain from the unsavory words...we don't use these for men and we shouldn't for women.
I have been sleeping with and dating this man, let's call him Daniel, for about two months. On repeated occasion, I asked if he wanted to be together. He said he was only seeing me but he didn't want a serious relationship because he just got out a long term relationship with his first love. He wanted me to only see him but he didn't want us to be in a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. He is very sweet—always compliments both my intellect and behavior—and is quite thoughtful with what he says he loves about me. He never sounds generic. He always took me out on dates, was proud for men to see me with him, wanted me to hold his hand in front of other men, but the relationship was mostly sexual other than that. I began to feel like i was there as a sex partner and trophy. Once I defined this, it was okay to me, and I continued to see other men. (just go on dates and kiss mind you, I prefer, for safer sex, to keep sex partner numbers low) I enjoy being intimate with him--it's always a fun time!
One day, when it was about one month after knowing him, his best friend, let's call him Robert, was over. We all slept together. I have never felt guilty about this or like a harlot. I have wanted to experiment for some time coming from an abusive previous relationship that lasted 6 years (and ended 6 months ago) who was my first partner ever, my sexual side and spirit were quite stifled. These two men, Daniel and Robert, made me feel sexy and powerful during the whole experience of our little session. I felt very in control of it, and very sexy and womanly.
However, recently, a month later after the ménage a trios, I became increasingly frustrated with Daniel. I started to want him to progress things, and he was happy taking me out to expensive places and sleeping together. I continued because I enjoyed the physical, but I have still dated others while seeing him. Plus, I have always had a feeling he hadn't been completely honest with me, and was seeing others too. However, being safe, I only have slept with him (and the one time in our menage a trois with his best friend Robert) since i met him. Well, a few weeks ago, Robert, Daniel's best friend called. He said we should talk as friends. I knew this wasn't the case because after the three of us had had our intimate encounter together the previous month, the times when Robert would come just to visit, it always felt like he was jealous and that we had more in common when we all talked, like Robert and I were connecting more intellectually.
Well, on our "friend date" Robert confessed that he had feelings for me, and wanted to “treat me better than Daniel.” He said that Daniel told him about all of our intimate encounters but never called me a girlfriend, so why should I feel any loyalty to him. He never came out and said it but when I asked he basically agreed that “Daniel has “many reasons” not to feel bad—that he is seeing other women. I agreed with him but still felt hesitant because they have been friends for son long.. He said that Daniel has done this kind of thing to him before and its ok. During the date, right away, he introduced me to all of his close friends on our first “date.” It was strange because the previous week I complained to Daniel that he never introduced me to close friends—only Robert and that he only wanted random men to see me with him as a trophy. On the date, Robert took me out to a few places--the last place we went to was one I always go to and have always felt a spiritual connection to--I never told Robert or daniel this ever--it was strange that Robert seemed to really know what I would like more than Daniel. Robert confessed he eventually "wanted me all to himself" and we kissed passionately outside. The kiss felt romantic with Robert—with Daniel it always feels lustful. We ended up sleeping together and it felt more like making love. While we were doing it, he said that he wanted just me to himself, and he said it after, too. At the end, Robert confessed he stole Daniel's phone when Daniel was out of the room the week after the had the ménage a trois but he was afraid to call me until now. He said I could continue to see Daniel so it wouldn't look suspicious but eventually let him down easy so then later on, Robert could reveal to Daniel that he and I were seeing each other.
The thing is, since this has happened, Daniel has been paying much more attention to me. He has been saying he wants more than just physical and he is excited to see me more often. Robert has been also contacting me since then. He has been saying he is also eager to see me again and has another date planned he know I will love. The question is, What should I do?
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That was alot to take it. You seem to be handling it very well. First of all, I don't think your a "whore" or "nasty" ect. By the way you are describing the situation, you have to ask yourself, who would you be less hurt not seeing or talking to as much? Which guy would you find yourself missing more?
If I was you, I would go with Robert. He seems to understand the real you, and wants you for you. Not to make himself look good. You said what you needed to do in your problem. Re-read it, and maybe you will see it to. By what I read, I can tell you are leaning more towards Robert. There is more of a connection phsyically and emotionally. You also have to ask yourself, if you really want a relationship.
Robert=Relationship
Daniel=Friends with benefits
If you decide you are leaning more towards Robert, than you need to explain to Daniel exactly why you feel this way. Tell him the threesome made you curious what things would be like with Robert, and tell him about the date and what type of experience it was for you. Daniel might be a little hurt, but he can't get that mad. He has had his chance to make you HIS, and not once has he took advantage of that opportunity.
Sorry its so long, I hope I helped.
If you have anymore questions, please do NOT heistate to inbox me, or send me an email to xxbbyxitsxyouxx@aol.com
Good Luck!<3
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You need to disappear for a while, I know it sounds strange but do it. The one who continues to contact you afterward is the one who really wants to be with you. This could very well be a sick joke, think about it, they are both best friends and have both slept with you both together and separately. You really need to be careful.
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