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keep on losing it.
I want to let this go. Trust me; I don’t want to hold on any longer. Love is such a big pain; it’s like a spreading disease, painful, and sad without a cure. I don’t want to think about him anymore, I want someone to make me not remember him anymore. I want it to be like we never talked and I never got to know the person he is. I just want to be like eff him, but I cant.
You’re right. It’s crazy how much you understand me, or am I just agreeing to everything you tell me. I feel like your right about everything though because when I think about it I am exactly as you say,
He may have an idea that yes I have feelings for him but that’s so different than telling him how I’ve fallen so much in love with him, how every moment of my life I spend thinking about him, how there’s nothing I want more than the chance to care for him and give him happiness, how I’m so scared I won’t ever move on because with him in my heart and memories it’s impossible. Nothing’s going to change when I tell him but he is the only one I could tell what’s in my heart to empty my feelings for him. It’s filled with love for a man I cannot have, and I need to empty it. He has no idea how every day I wish to be the woman he holds hands with, the woman he comes to with his problems, how much I wish to be the one he comes to when he’s hurt, frustrated, or angry. I want to be the woman to make him smile, and be the reason for his happiness’s, I want to be the woman he sits on the couch and cuddles with while watching a movie, I want to be the woman to make him breakfast in the morning, I want to be the woman he kisses goodnight and good morning every day. I want to be the woman to get him back up on his feet when he falls. I want to be able to hug him and know that everything will be okay. I want to be the one to take care of him when he’s sick. I want to help him succeed, how I want to be the woman to travel the world with, how I want him to be the man to wipe my tears, to hold me near when I’m scared, to care for me more than my parents care for me, to be there of every step of my life & so much more. Is this the same as just thinking a girl likes me? He probably just thinks it’s a crush. .. this is not at all just a crush.
People need to mind their own business in public, and what other people think when they see us would never matter to me. It’s not their life so who are they to judge? But I do care for him so that’s why I didn’t email him an apology. But I feel like I owe him one, even though I don’t deserve to be forgiven, for my childish, selfish, disrespectful behavior. But if no contact is what he wants I have to accept that without him knowing no matter how it affects me.
About 26 year old, if anything I think I come off as annoying. Like legit he doesn’t talk to me like he used to. I’m not the person everyone likes obviously; I don’t know why it’s so hard for me. I try to be social but I’m not. This guy I talk outside of class told me I am anti-social in class. It’s hard for me to let go and talk. Now that I feel he thinks I’m annoying def. not going to tell him he’s cute. He’s probably way out of my league anyway if I even have one. I asked if he had a girlfriend when he were talking and he says he is just looking for “playtime”, no girlfriend, I think at this point I’d get attached to anyone.
Did I make myself repressed or is that just who I am? I guess I’ve been rejected a lot to kill my confidence. I need a bridge because I’m scared of always being hurt. I don’t know what it feels like to be liked in that way. I wish I did. My sisters so lucky, she gets it a lot. I’m freaking 19 years old and have never been liked by a guy. I think I look normal, people say I’m pretty but I don’t feel pretty.
Another question..
I go to this tutor for English and Speech, and he is only there one day of the week. I like going to him because it makes me want to get help, and I hate asking for help, he makes it easy, he’s funny, and very helpful I’m actually doing good in my English classes now unlike high school is it okay if I go every week the day he is there or is that weird? Should I tell him I like getting tutored by him because he helps? He also is a student at the school but just tutors English when he can. He’s only there that one day for a couple hours though. Is it weird/obsessive if I go every week to him??? I have a speech class and English class? This tutor is cute. And he’s easy to talk to but I need help. I’ve been to him twice in the last two weeks, because like I said he only tutors once a week. Will he think I only come to him because I like him or something? That would be bad..
Can you say something that will make me smile before you answer my post? Please? I just want to smile for a couple seconds, forgot what it feels like.
annashae
Thanks witty,
i seriously appreciate all of this. really, i do.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off, moving on takes time and to some degree dedication. You have to give yourself the time because getting over love, even one sided love, takes time. Sitting there thinking about what you want isn't going to help you out here, imagining being his and him being yours isn't doing you one bit of good.
Little by little, you need to make yourself stop thinking about it. I say again, occupy yourself. Get a hobby, read a book, play a video game, just do something else. Give yourself something enjoyable to think about which you can make yourself switch to when you dwell.
On the 26 year old, seek greener pastures. You've way over-thought and over-invested in it. Let it go, be nice, and just try not to worry about it. Not everything works out.
Repression...
Repression is fear. When you get down on yourself for not meeting some milestone of having someone or being liked, you encourage fear. When you tell yourself that there are "leagues" and that someone is not in yours, you encourage fear. You fear not being adequate, not being good enough. You need to get a handle on that, because you've got how this works all wrong.
Romance grows out of two people who are themselves around each other and find attraction resulting. You need to work on relaxing yourself and just being yourself.
No, repressed is not "who you are" at all. It's a reaction to fear which anyone is capable of having. Some people are less afraid, some people are more, but everyone is capable of overcoming their own fears and being genuinely themselves. I'm sure that when you aren't paying attention you are yourself. Why then aren't you finding guys who like you?
You just aren't comfortable in enough circumstances. You aren't available for attraction enough. The anti-social description is telling. You are locked up. I think the bridge part is right. You need to spend more time around girls. Find some friends who can help you be comfortable, who can help you build your self esteem and help provide the social interactions you're not great at seeking all by your lonesome.
Friends help you be yourself in situations you'd otherwise have trouble with. Them liking you translates into others liking you because rather than having to show everyone why you like yourself you've got a friend or five who likes you to share the job with.
The tutor thing you're overthinking. You need help, you're getting it. It's natural to gravitate towards teachers who are better at teaching you, not everyone is as good at it and sometimes a specific person is better at teaching other specific people who they understand. He gets you enough to help, it doesn't have to be anything more than that. And no, generally if you don't actively flirt and express interest even if he wonders he's not going to worry about it. Just continue as normal.
And a word of general caution. You are someone with alot of care to give to people. There are many people who will appreciate this, and there are also those who will take advantage of it. People who are black holes who take much and give little if nothing else. Pay attention, don't ever sell yourself short that you should give all you have and accept someone's token return. You are a giver, you need to find other givers. It's alright to be friends with people who aren't, but don't let yourself fall in love with anyone until you really get to know them. No one puts themselves all out on the table immediately in love or friendship, so just keep an eye on yourself and make sure that you don't feel used when you relate to others.
Last, end with a smile. How about this.
In time, with effort, you will get better at putting yourself out there. If you do things you aren't comfy with you will grow comfortable, you will adapt and overcome so long as you don't give up.
As this process continues and you grow as a person, you will meet people who realize exactly what you have to offer. One of those things in particular is love and affection. You are a giver, you are big into vicarious pleasure and vicarious joy. Beyond enjoying the benefits, you will eventually meet people who see this and understand exactly what kind of things you have to offer others and these people will appreciate you in ways you really can't fathom right now.
You want someone to feel the same way, and you are perceptive enough to not settle for less. So while you may not have a long laundry list of ex boyfriends you will spend your time more wisely on guys who see you for who you are and love you all the more for it. The depth you will experience in relationships will be something that few people ever do and most people can only dream of.
Someday, you will meet someone who is capable of seeing all of you and loving you all the more for it. Maybe you won't truly understand who you are as a person until this future guy points it out for you, but you should know that it's there.
You are afraid of leagues and standards but the truth of relationships is the best ones go to those most worthy of real, meaningful, impactful love. You are one of these people, whether you believe it or not. You are absent the petty bullshit, the arrogant self absorption, and the other character flaws which get in the way of the deepest of human connections.
It may take you a while. You may get your hopes up and be disappointed. But if you don't let the failures that are inevitable in life get you down you will eventually find a person who wants the same things you do deep down, who is capable of providing them to you. And then leagues and fears and social awkwardness won't matter, you simply won't be able to keep him away from you no matter what you do.
Just be yourself, and be a little braver each day, and you'll be fine.
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