|
Is Giving Up A Friendship Worth It to Make a Relationship Stay Afloat?
I'm a 20 year old girl whose currently in my longest relationship with a guy, let's call him J, he's 22, we've been together for a little over five months, and I can really see a real future with. However I'm also still “friends” with my ex boyfriend, let's call him S, he's now 27 was 26 when we dated – I was 19, you would have to know him to understand why he was involved with me (my mentality is a little bit older than most, his is quite a bit younger).
S was kind of a serious relationship, it was my first one, he had only dated two girls before me and I lost my virginity to him. He wasn't a virgin before he met me but had only had sex three times and had never enjoyed it, the girl he had sex with would always tell him to pull out because he was hurting her. Arguably we were the first to know each other sexually, and there's some history there. We were together for five months and the reason why he broke up with me, which he admitted later, was because he was running away from commitment he saw how serious we were getting and instead of telling me how he felt ran away.
Before S and I dated, which was a bad idea because we stopped talking for a little while after the break up, we had known each other for over 10 years. He was more of my older sister's friend, she's 26, than mine, she had met him through her first ex boyfriend. However he was a family friend as well, he would go to my parties and I always knew that I could rely on him like an older brother. Even though we weren't exactly close friends we were like brother and sister. He helped me through a lot of things and was always a good listener.
After my break up with S, after getting over a broken heart which lasted for months (I didn't see it coming). I started dating another guy, let's call him C, he was 24 years old when I was 19, that lasted for less than two months. He was like a rebound guy for my ex boyfriend, and because my ex (whose also my best friend now) would always tell me to stop doing something, as soon as the other guy told me to stop doing something I would stop... I almost went out of my way to please him to keep him around. He saw that and he broke up with me, after the break up I was kind of upset in a way that he was a big blow to my self confidence my best friend would comfort me.
The day that I broke up with C, my current boyfriend J and I started talking. He (J) admitted that he liked me, because he was being so nice even though I wasn't ready for a relationship I sent him a sexy picture of myself... as a nice way of saying thank you. Around that same time S and I started talking again, it was my mom and my grandma's idea... they didn't think that I should get rid of him as a friend and he had text me when I was dating C and I explained that I hadn't been interested in talking to him.
After we started talking, while I was talking to J, me and S both realized that we were still in love. However I decided not to pursue things any further with S, because I think that when you and your ex break up chances are you're never going to work things out. He was really jealous of J, he was talking to his girlfriend R too.
Lately I feel like S and I are losing our friendship again, and it hurts me. We haven't hung out in awhile, some people are telling me that it's not worth keeping him as a friend... because of the fact that I'm so sensitive because of the way that he used to treat me, whenever J's in a bad mood or stressed out.
I don't want to lose J and he's been fine with my friendship with S, he's always told me that he's very understanding. He doesn't want to meet S, even though S has wanted to meet him before.... he doesn't feel comfortable talking to ex boyfriends of his current girlfriends. I don't want to lose S either, but is his friendship worth losing to make sure that my relationship with J stays afloat?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Point blank...exes are exes for a reason. Exes are also apart of your past and therefore if you're with "J" than you need to concentrate on "J" and only him. Don't concern yourself with exes because that will only complicate your relationship. Believe me I know from experience and it does not end well. Especially turning to your ex when you're not getting along that is the worst idea. I think you can be friendly with your exes just saying hi if you see them but other than that that's it.
]
More Questions: |