|
Feeling Hopeless After Divorce
I am a 37 year old women who was married for 10 years. I have three children 12, 8, and 9. I divorced in 2009. The relationship was emothonally stressful. I am told that I was a victim of control and emotional abuse. It is funny because that kind of abuse is very difficult to see until you are out of the situation. Anyway, my ex husband has spoke to the kids about me in very bad ways. He is upset because I took him to child support court and he has to pay 32@ of is income.
He harrassed me for months before the child support went through. Now that it has been finalized he still uses the Kids to hurt me. He wants joint custody which my attorney says is a way to further control me. (There is alot that I'm skipping over) to get to my point..
I am extremely depressed. I feel like I want out of life period. My children are all that I have in this world and the control that he is using to tear my house apart is hurting me so bad. I feel trapped. If he gets joint custody he will use it to control me, he teaches my kids to disrespect me, he calls me bad names when we speak, he disrespects me.
I wanted to relocate out of the State to get away from him but he refuses to let me go with the children. I need his premission or the court will have to get involved. my attorney said that it will be difficult for the reason in which I want to leave.
I'm tired. I feel like I have NO wiggle room. I want to be left alone to raise my kids without his interferences. Today he picked my oldest child up and didn't bring her home. I just have to deal with it because he wants to spend time with her...I know killing myself isn't the answer but I dont know what is... I'm so frustrated and tired.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The first thing you need to do is get a hold of yourself emotionally. To do this you need counseling by a qualified therapist. Your family doctor can help you find a therapist.
After you have seen a therapist and your therapist feels the time is right you need to expand your therapy into family counseling for you and your children. The therapist can help you explain to your children what is going on and why daddy is saying such things about you. If need be your therapist can be called as an expert witness in any custody hearing to explain his or her feelings on what your husband may be doing to the children.
I am assuming you have full custody of the children and your husband had visitation only. When your husband is late returning a child or the children call the police and children's services. If he picks up a child when he is not scheduled to do so call the police.
When he is late returning the children he is in violation of a court order and the police can arrest him. I believe the charge is parental abduction or non custodial abduction or interference. By doing nothing when he is late he is one exerting control over you and two making an example of you as an unfit mother by not enforcing a court order. I know this sounds unreasonable and he is not asking you to have him arrested. But this is what the court will see if it is ever brought up in court. Don't warn him just do it the next time he is late.
]
I guess the only thing you can do is fight for full custody. The things he is doing to your children to hurt you, will only end up hurting them in the long run. My husband was the victim of this as a child. His father told him horrible untrue things about his mother, and he still has problems coping with it.
Sit your children down and explain to them that the things their daddy is saying about you is because he is angry, not because they're true. Do not say anything negative about their father, because you'll only be doing the same thing.
Plead with the courts and show any proof you can of what he is doing. This situation is not healthy for children. If he doesn't have joint custody, you don't need permission to leave the state. If you are in court fighting custody, then you do.
Be willing to give a little - if you're open in court, they might choose to favor you. Courts tend to favor the mother over the father in these cases. Bring out any and all arsenal that you have at your disposal. Was he a neglectful father? Did he cheat? Was he emotionally abusive to the children as well? All of these things will only aid in your favor.
Best of luck to you.
]
More Questions: |