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Pain
So thank you for such an elaborate answer.however,you defined my situation better than i did,but i don't think you really understand where i am.see,i don't feel sorry for myself and i don't cut to make my emptiness go away,i do it because i dont know how to express my frustration otherwise,it doesn't make me feel any better,but i don't do it to.i just don't know any better,do you understand this?see,i don't just lock myself in a room and exclude myself from the world out there,i try everyday to just conect,but people tend to just forget me,and its just worn me out,sure you might say that i should try harder and that the rest will take care of itself,but this is a burden that i've always had to carry,it's not the result of a temporary situation.when i was a little guy of five i had the same thing,my classmates ignored me because my father was in jail and still is,but i don't blame him for everything because i'm not the kind of person to blame others.its not that i'm a weird loser,i am perfectly normal,i'm not unattractive,i'm not socially awkward,i'm smart,but i'm just different i suppose.i have tried many things to fill the void but nothing seems to be enough.and i've went as far as to tell my family about my frustration,but even they are ignorant,they see it as just a phase thats part of my growing up.i've thought about just puling the triger before but i'll never be capable of doing that to my family,so i'm sort of trapped.all i want is for someone to understand me,i want to really exist in someone else's world other than my own but i don't know why i can't cross that bridge.so i'm hoping you will understand me a little better now,
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
you're welcome. I do understand you a little better now. Can I tell you 1 thing? You said you wanted to exist in someone else's world other than your own? well guess what.. you do. You exist in my world. otherwise I wouldn't have tried to answer your problems. I'll try to do my best to help you but ultimately its up to you to figure this out. Oh and in case you didn't already know, i'm always on here so if you ever need any kind of help, i'm glad to be here for you.
It seems to me like you're more focused on what other people think, rather than what you think. You want other people to notice you. You want other people to make room for you in their lives. Well you don't really have that power.. What i'm trying to say is- you can't control the fact that other people choose to ignore you. Its the people's choice if they want to ignore you or if they want you to be a part of their life. Its their choice, not yours. Sure, you can do things to impact their decision. But you don't have the power to make that decision for them.
My mother always gives me 1 great advice- don't worry about things you can't control. You can't control these people's decisions.. so don't worry about it. The best you can do right now is try to make people notice you and try to impact their decision.
I also think that you should find a way to release all of your anger and frustration. You said you cut yourself because you don't have any other way to express how you're feeling. well FYI... cutting is bad. stop doing it and find another way to express your feelings (in a good positive way). For me, working out and dancing is my way to release anger. Whenever i'm angry or hurt, i just start running until my feet give out. I push myself to the brink of exhaustion and thats how I release all of those bad feelings. For you, it could be whatever you want. but just make sure its a good thing. Some examples are- working out, boxing, listening to music, dancing, painting (art stuff), screaming at the top of your lungs, driving somewhere unknown, venting to someone you trust, etc. all of these are way to express how you're feeling in a positive way. it will make you feel good afterwards.
Another thing that I find very useful is to use all of that anger and frustration, and use it to motivate you to do something. For me- I use my anger and motivation to get better at sports. whether its working out, or spending an extra hour or 2 after sports practice working on my weaknesses. Some people use their anger and frustration in ways like writing music, helping others out like volunteering etc, motivate themselves to do better in life. Use that anger and frustration towards something.
Last piece of advice. All this shit that's happened to you... you have got to learn how to let it go. Its all in the past. Everything you told me (classmates ignoring you, father in jail, etc) all of that is in the past. You can't change that. Remember the quote I said? Don't worry about the things you can't control. Well you can't control the past. So seriously forget about it. God put our eyes on our face so we could look forward, not backwards. I can't really describe it in any other way. It takes time to learn but I mastered it. I learned how to forget about my past and focus on bettering my future. A trick to know is that you have to WANT to forget about the past and WANT to focus on the future. If you don't want it, then you're wasting your time.
This ties into what I said above.. if you forget about your past, forget about all the shit people that treated you like this.. then you'll realize you're much better off without these people in your life. I don't know if you know this.. but there ARE people out there who would recognize you and include you in their life. For example- me. You've already got 1 person. Now go find the others. It might take time to find them, but they are there. Find the people who deserve to have you in their life, who will treat you with respect and loyalty and who CARE.
Anyone who ignores you or shuts you out, leave them behind and start a new journey. A journey to discover a new life thats worth living for.
Please inbox me if you need any more help. remember- i'm always here :)
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