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How should I handle this situation?


Question Posted Saturday July 9 2011, 4:12 pm

So I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost 6 months and he is amazing. A really sweet, genuine person and very considerate towards everyone. That's also how I am so we match well.

My boyfriend has this friend, Mia, who is a girl that he's known for almost two years now. She is dating one of his childhood friends, Miguel. My boyfriend met the girl when his friend brought her around as his girlfriend, so he's only known her as his best friends girl. He tells me that she is also one of his best friends. This girl is fun, outgoing, nice, etc. and I've become friends with her also, but the problem is that I think my boyfriend is a little too attached to her. The reason I say this is because (and I've noticed this over time) if her and Miguel dont want to go somewhere, even if all our other friends are going, my bf doesnt want to either. Wherever she goes, he wants to be also. And he doesnt care if his friend goes, as long as she does. He tells me that she is his best friend so I didn't think anything of it, but the other day something happened that made me rethink the whole situation. Mia and Miguel got a hotel room and invited a bunch of people to party there, and the Miguel didn't invite my boyfriend and ignored all his calls that day, which is significant because we always hang out. So after that, they kept doing things and leaving us out, ignoring my boyfriend for days and he got really depressed about it. It's understandable when your childhood friend acts like an asshole towards you for no reason (he is known to be an ass even my bf told me so) but we were driving home last night in the car and my bf was kind of drunk and we had been hanging out with all of them earlier and he was telling me how happy he was that he was able to reconnect with them. And I told him that was great but not to get his hopes up because they pull shit like that on him all the time just ignoring him for days. I told him "Some people care more about themselves and dont think about others as much as you or I do" And he goes "i know, i honestly don't even really care about Miguel he's always been an ass, we actually had a falling out two years ago and Mia brought us together" And I realized how much he truly cared about her friendship. She's oblivious to this and I know she doesn't care as much either because she's right there with her bf ignoring him and turning her back. So I decided to ask him "why do you care so much about your friendship with her?" and he answered "I really don't know, I guess because I remember the old times when we would all party together and how close me and her were and how we would talk everyday and she has the same party personality as I do, and dadadada..." you get the point. Clearly the boy loves her, if only as a friend, it's still love. And I'm not really too sure how to handle this because I'm not jealous or angry about it, I just know she doesn't care about him nearly as much as he cares about her and it saddens me to see it. I don't really know what to do, if I should do anything or just leave it alone, or if I should talk to him about it. This whole situation really bothers me though :/ any advice?


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Monday July 11 2011, 2:02 pm:
Okay to clarify, they only used to talk a lot but they never hung out by themselves, and also, I KNOW for a fact that they are not/have never hooked up before. He also would never cheat so I'm not worried about that for the future. The issue here is that he may really like her, but would never do anything about it which is why I'm not sure what to do here because he's technically not doing anything wrong :/.

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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


Xui answered Saturday July 9 2011, 11:03 pm:
This is not a friendship, He is attracted to Mia it is pretty obvious from what you've said above. If I got it correct you stated your boyfriend likes to go wherever she goes whether his friend is around or not, Your boyfriend has the hots for Mia and doesn't seem to care whether his friend is in the picture or not. Perhaps they are both cheating and he may not be the only one, Sounds fishy they'd both hang together alone. You want dirt you may have to dig for it but I'm going to say something is up and you may need to give him the boot.

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