|
Brad
My name is Amanda, and I have strong feelings for a guy I have known for almost five years. We were dating four years ago and we fell apart. It was all my fault and I know that. We were working on being together and his ex came back and wanted to be with him again. She cheated on him and lied to him. He told me and when I asked him what he was going to do he said that he was not sure. That hurt a lot because I had never done anything to betray him and he was thinking about choosing her. So I slept with his best friend. Now four years later I still want him and he is with someone else. We are friends but he can not trust me like that again. It kills me to see him with someoen else because I would give anything for him to be with me again. My question is how do I stay his friend when it hurts so bad? Is having him in my life worth the pain?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think it is time to move forward with your life. When you first split up four years ago he clearly had moved on due to his action of bringing his ex back into the picture. When you asked him if he wanted to be with you or the ex and his response was uncertainty right then and there the option should no longer be up to him. It's unreasonable to expect you to wait around for him to figure out whom he wishes to be with. This isn't a game. It is your life, feelings, and emotions tied into all of this. As a stand up man he should have told you that either he could or could not accept what ever it is you did to break up the relationship and he needed to figure out if it was something he could look past.
My gut instinct it to guess that although you take complete responsibility for the problems in the beginning is it at all possible that he manipulated the situation and made it look to be all your fault. Rarely is it ever just onesided problems. I would lean towards wondering if he had feelings for his ex the entire time...
As far as you messing around with his bestfriend, seeing as he was his bestfriend I'm really wondering the circumstances surrounding how you guys ended up. It couldn't have been completely you coming on to him, so I wonder if your ex-boyfriend actually used what you did with his friend to justify stringing you along only to end up back with his ex?
Honestly I don't think you should feel too bad about all of this. It really sounds like somehow one way or another he manipulated the situation from the beginning to make you out to be the bad guy.
If I were you I would move on with my life. No need to be friends but for your own satisfation I would get out and meet new people and stop worrying about this guy. He wasn't worried about you when conviently his ex just pops back into the picture. There is so much more out there. I promise you. The moment you allow someone else into your heart time will pass so fast and you will laugh at yourself and wonder why on earth you were ever hung up on this guy. You see, too much has been said and done for you guys to ever really have a good relationship. No, having him as a part of your life is not worth the pain. What are you getting out of being just his friend? My guess is, not too much. I think you are wasting precious time when you can be enjoying so much more and finding someone who really appreciates you for you. Every relationship takes time and a lot of effort and it's not always going to be a walk in the park or all laughs and smiles so when you are faced with stuggles the tell, tell sign is to see how well you all can deal with adversity. If your new boyfriend seeks out companionship with an ex or other person rather than working things out with you and not involving others then you know somethig is not right. When you have disagreements thats the time to sit down and figure out how to fix the problem, not add to the problem by turning to someone else. Another thing, always be leary of someone who "just needs time to themselves". That statement rearely means what is said.
I hope this helps and please know you are worth so much more than all of this pain, drama, and confusion. You need a man who puts you first and treats you with the upmost respect no matter what problems mat arise. You are too good for this nonsense and any man would be lucky to have you.
Take care and let him go. You'll be ok I promise.
]
More Questions: |