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Feeling disconnected, alone and hopeless
I have just been feeling disconnected, alone, frustrated, and hopeless lately. I feel like I can not do anything right. I feel like no one cares about me. When I talk to my friends and they say that I am just being too emotional or too dramatic. I just feel that way and I feel like no one understands. I just want to disappear most days. I have also been thinking about cutting again. It just makes me feel less bad. I just do not know what to do. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
That sounds like depression to me, and dismissing it as being 'too emotional or too dramatic' is not right and not fair of your friends. Depression is a serious and very real illness, and the longer you leave it untreated, the worse it could get. Unfortunately, most people don't realize that, or don't believe it. But I've had depression on and off for at least six years now, and getting help was one of the smartest things I ever did.
One thing you can do is talk to your school counselor. School counselors aren't always mental health experts, but if you explain clearly how you are feeling, they should be able to help you. At the very least, they will be an ally within the school who can help you when things are getting to be too much. Your school counselor is also probably your easiest way to get your parents involved. (Note that school counselors are 'mandatory reporters' so if you tell them you have hurt yourself or plan to hurt yourself, they have to tell your parents. Self-harm isn't something you should struggle with alone, but if you aren't ready for them to know, don't tell your counselor yet.)
Yes, getting the parents involved is horribly awkward and it's probably the last thing you want to do. But, even if you feel like your parents wont understand, this is something you need to share with them. They need to know that you are depressed, at least. My parents didn't know until things got terribly serious, and waiting so long to get them involved only made a much bigger mess when they finally found out.
After you've talked to your school counselor and your parents, you need to make an appointment with a therapist. This is one big reason why your parents need to be involved. They should make the calls, drive you to the office, and pay the cost of the sessions. If you don't like your therapist, don't stay with them! Switch! So many people say they hate therapy and it's useless, but usually it's because the person they're seeing is an idiot. Find someone you feel comfortable with; don't just settle for someone that doesn't feel right. Things will go so much better for you once you are seeing a professional. They are trained to help and they will give you a safe place to unburden yourself when you feel like holding in your thoughts will make you explode. With most therapists, everything you talk about is confidential so long as it does not involve an immediate threat of you harming yourself or others. Not even your parents will know what you discuss, unless you want them to. And it depends on the therapist, but the ones I've seen did not share what I said about self-harm with my parents, so long as I didn't say something like, "I am going to cut myself tonight."
These steps are the ideal course of action for you. So long as all these adults are halfway intelligent and compassionate, you will get the help you need and things will go a lot better for you. I'm not going to lie; sometimes these people fail. (I know my parents sometimes got mad at me and upset me for stupid things, but they still did their best and supported me in so many ways.) Even if one person fails you, there are others who can still help. Don't let one bad egg spoil everything for you. Right now, you seem to be at a crucial point where things aren't unbearable yet, but they're getting worse. Depression can go away over time, but it's also very likely to stick around and make you suffer before it does. And studies have shown that the longer depression goes untreated, the more likely it is to come back.
If you get into therapy and still feel like you aren't getting better, you can try medication. It seems scary and you may be afraid you'll become dependent on them, but medicine isn't something to avoid when you need it. I've tried a lot of different medications, and although some have had some odd side effects, I found one that works for me and it has done miracles. Also, it wont turn you into a zombie or just make you happy all the time. Some people have those side effects with certain medications, but if that happens to you just try something else. I am not happy all the time and I am not a zombie. I feel normal, and it's pretty amazing.
If things ever feel overwhelming, you can always go to IMAlive.org. It's a free online crisis center where you can talk to a trained volunteer about suicidal thoughts, desire to self-harm, or any sort of crisis in your life. I've never used it myself, but the people running the site are compassionate and dedicated to what they do. They can help if you're not sure who to turn to.
As for your thoughts about cutting, try your best not to do it. Even if it seem like a small problem now, it can get out of control before you realize it. Once you get in the habit, it's hard to get out of it. And even if you break the habit, it can stick with you for the rest of your life, threatening to come back whenever you get stressed. But if you do give in and hurt yourself, it's not the end of the world. No one is perfect and quitting self-harm can be very difficult. Do your best, and don't be afraid to ask for help when the urge is strong. Also, this website hasn't been updated in a while, but it has some good basic information about self-harm if you want to know more about why people do it and how to quit:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is another website for getting help with self-harm:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
They have a support forum and some good tips on how to beat the urges.
Also, try making yourself a 'distraction box' for when you feel really upset or want to hurt yourself. Fill it with good things like a movie you like, or a book full of quotes and stickers, or a sketchbook and pencils. When you feel upset, pick a distraction and throw yourself into it. It doesn't always work, but it usually works pretty well.
I hope my advice is useful to you, and I wish you the best of luck! Just remember that even if things seem hopeless and it seems like nobody in the world cares, it's not true. Depression affects the way you think and it can hide the good things and magnify the bad. There's always someone out there who wants to help you, even if you haven't met them yet, and people care about you even if they don't show it all the time. You are important, you are loved, and you can rise above this. It will take some work and there may be times when you feel like you've hit rock bottom, but things will get better.
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Well I think that you really need a good friend to talk to and go to for advice someone you can trust to talk about anything (btw if you ever want to talk I am here and you dont have to worry about being judged or me telling anyone your secrets because well I dont know anyone you know haha) You are not hopeless or unloved you are just depressed try going to counseling maybe get on an anti-depressant medication... Dont go back to cutting!! you are an amazing person and dont let anyone convince you otherwise I here if you need to talk good luck and I wish you all the best
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