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Am I over analyzing things? Confused. Don't know what to do.
18/f
This is a bit complicated for me to explain, but I'll try to be straightforward. So my ex-boyfriend and I were together for 14 months and he broke up with me for the 3rd time and his reason was because he thinks that we were incompatible. A couple days later after we broke up, we saw each other again and we ended up acting like a couple again, you know; kisses, hugs, holding hands, saying "i love you" things like that. Note that this is what happened the first 2 times we broke up, and the 2nd time it went on for 4 months and then we got back together. So we practically never really broke up. The one thing that confused me was that he said that he was actually going to "draw a line," meaning no physical activity like before... And just like I said, we ended up acting like a couple again.
The thing is, I don't want to be over. I'm very stubborn, because I worked really hard to get him back and when I finally got him he's gone in 2 months. I'm devastated and so many of my friends tell me that things will get better but noticed that I'm getting more depressed each day.
The thing is, I was really insecure when I was with him. I lost my confidence in everything because I wasn't sure about how he felt throughout the whole time. I had to keep asking him, "do you love me?" I hated that. The reason why I kept asking him those questions because I always had to text him first, I always had to say "I love you" first to him, he never really seemed to try to talk to me. And many of my friends were telling me he's taking me for granted, he doesn't seem to appreciate me, and that he doesn't deserve me because I put 100% in the relationship and he doesn't seem to even put in 5%.
We got into a fight 4 days ago, and I got angry because he said "You're too big of an existence in my life. I felt like you could control my life. With you, I can't accomplish my goal." I felt really heartbroken, and I asked him "What are you trying to say?" And he said, "I'm drawing the line again." The last thing I said was "....." And this also made me realize he puts the blame on me when he's not with me, afterwards he asked "btw, why did you keep asking me to kiss you yesterday?" I didn't ask him, he kissed me himself as well so I didn't answer him. Then he said, "I'm an asshole right, all you want to do is make me happy but all I do is hurt you." Didn't answer that either. Then he says, "I'm sorry for being so pathetic, really." I didn't answer that. Then he said, "Good night. The only girl I really loved." (I was his first longest and serious relationship) Then the next morning he called me (first time he called me in the morning since 5 months) and he apologized to me. And he told me to not take what he said that night as if he doesn't love me and that he still did.
Now, today he's been very distance ever since that day. He hasn't been talking to me much or even trying to. I don't have the right to complain because we broke up. But after all of that, we didn't even break up because of a fight. We broke up because he thought we were incompatible. People see that we ARE compatible, and it's just that he's being selfish and he's taking me for granted because all I do is worry about how he feels about me and stuff like that.
My sister told me she thinks I should move on because he's obviously not showing any appreciation for me and that if I moved on, he'll actually see "what he had until he lost it." I called her yesterday crying saying that I felt insecure because I'm not asking him to give me attention, I'm not asking him to see me everyday, it just makes me happy when I get a text message from him knowing that he still loves me, or cares, and whatnot. And a majority of the time he texts me, he just asks how I'm doing such as my health and stuff. And it makes me wonder if he only thinks about me and thinks about even talking to me when it comes to my health. Not because he loves me or misses me.
I asked him if he ever misses me, and he says "sometimes." And I feel like I'm over analyzing things, because I keep thinking does he like another girl? Does he not love me anymore? What does this mean? What does that mean? Because I honestly feel excluded from his life, even when we were together. Now I feel even MORE excluded.
I know that he's busy because he has 2 jobs, he's trying to pay off his tuition for school since his dad is only paying off half, and it's hard for him to get any grants or financial aid because his dad's income, and not to mention that he's the oldest of his 5 siblings.
I feel even more heartbroken because I just told him that I got prank called. Nothing else, and he replied with, "sorry I'm not able to listen to anyone's problems right now." And I just thought, "is there something wrong? Is he stressed out?" And I asked him if there was anything wrong, and he just answered "nothing" to all of the questions, and I stopped asking because I didn't want to annoy him.
Many people understood that he was busy, but they didn't understand how someone can be THAT busy to even not text me at least once to see how I was doing and stuff especially if he went on facebook and commented his friends saying that he's transferring and hoping he will see them on campus, and catching up an old friend of his and stuff.
There was a lot more things that he did, but this is just very brief about everything that happened. Just know that there were reasons why all of my friends thought that he was taking me for granted and he didn't seem to appreciate me. But another thing is, he's very independent. If something's bothering him, he wants to get over it himself, he keeps it to himself. But the reason why it bothered me was because he used to be so opened to me but now he closed himself back up and pushed me out of the way.
So my question is, do you think he still loves me? What do you think is going to happen? Am I over analyzing things too much and that he's just tired or busy? What should I do: Move on or wait? Because honestly, my heart tells me to wait and I do. My brother says he'll help me fight it through again, but he hates to see the way he treats me. I know it's stupid for wanting to wait, and have myself vulnerable and get hurt. But I'm confused about this whole situation. What do you think is going on in this relationship? Should I just give him space?
Thanks in advance!
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Alright let me break it down for you.. If you have to type that long of a question to find your answer, well the answer is pretty much in front of you. You wrote 12 paragraphs. That's a lot to say. There's a lot on your mind. I bet you feel pretty stressed out and confused. So my question is.. Why are you putting yourself through all of this??
He's excluding you. He won't make an effort into the relationship. He doesn't seem to care. Why are you putting up with this?? If I were you, I'd seriously be so fed up with his shit and I would just leave him and his problems to himself.
Honey, none of this is your fault. You do realize that right?? I read that entire question and nothing in it says you did something wrong. You did your best. You made the most effort, you tried to fix the problems, you cared. There's honestly nothing else you can really do because in order for your relationship to work- he's gotta do the same thing. A relationship is 2 parts. Yours and his. Both of you have to give effort etc. If you're just doing his part and he's screwing off.. Well then there's no point in staying in the relationship.
Yes he could be busy with his 2 jobs and paying tuition and whatever else. But that is no excuse for him. There's ALWAYS time for a close girlfriend, especially since you mentioned you were his first serious relationship. There's no excuse as to why he should be treating you this way.
If you want my advice, ignore him. Put your phone away for a whole week. Don't go on Facebook or twitter. Put all of the memories away and forget about him for a week. It might be hard. But you have to look on the bright side. You're better off without him and his issues. You can do better.
Make him realize that you were the best thing in his life. Make him do the effort. If he truly wants to fix the relationship, HE has to make the effort. You did enough. The rest is up to him. If he can't do that, then it's time to find a guy who respects you and treats you way better.
Don't put yourself through all of this drama and problems. It's too stressful and wouldn't you much rather just have fun and relax and focus on yourself? You'll feel relieved once his issues are out the window and he's gone :
Inbox me if you have more questions!! :)
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