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old friend... do i miss her? long, sorry :/
so, i have this friend. let's call her nancy. nancy and i grew up together since we were 9. we went to the same school and in high school we grew even closer. nancy and i had lunch every day and we became like sisters. it seemed to me that i could write a book about her and she could write a book about me. my senior year in high school i started to get mysterious emails from a "lesbian girl" in my class and all the evidence traced it to nancy. for one, the emails were coming from school but they didn't match the network and at the time, she was using a lan card to connect to the internet. this mysterious writer also knew a lot about me and my class schedule, which nancy knew a lot about obviously, since they were almost the same. i refused to believe it because i was blind and nancy was my best friend. i would just like to say here that i am no way interested in girls and nancy knows this.
so, nancy and i go to the same university and for the first two years, we were having a blast. we were going to frat parties, living the college life. we also shared a very deep wound in common. we both had met the loves of our lives at 16 and were struggling with our relationships with those men. she had her issues with her and i had my issues with mine. but, we were there for each other. suddenly, nancy, who claims that this guy who she was with was her love starts dating this SUPER sketchy guy. But, SUPER SKETCHY. he said that he owned all these businesses and we never saw them. he also started posting ads on craigslist that he wanted another girl. it was just weird. so she broke up with this guy and started dating another guy. we'll call him drew.
drew is a nice guy and all... but he's 31... and we're 20. drew is also her boss' brother. and while she was dating drew... she was sleeping with other people. but, now I think her and drew are exclusive. not too long ago, i would meet them for lunch, since they both work at the university. every time i would say something to her she would look at me like i was stupid and exchange glances with drew like they were making fun of me. it made me feel really uncomfortable. my mom kept warning me about nancy, saying she didn't have a good feeling.
Not too long ago, her and drew claimed that they were going to meet me at a club and ditched me there! I was in the nightclub all by myself. So, I cut ties with her because I was really hurt that she had left me there by myself. so, i blocked her from seeing my wall on facebook. then, the other day i get a mysterious friend request from a guy who happens to have all the same interests and music as her...???
All of this is bad... but for some reason, I miss nancy. i feel like no one else will get my jokes. no one else has the same history or grew up with me. but, at the same time, she treats me like i'm stupid and she doesn't make time for me because she's into fixing houses and gardens and taxes with her 31 year old boyfriend, drew. there's nothing WRONG with those things, but I mean, if you were 16, would u want to be dating a 27 year old guy? I mean, this is the same thing.I don't want her to look back on this and say I missed out. She already missed out on a lot senior year because she moved out with her first boyfriend and didn't go to prom or grad night or anything! This is also really weird, but every time I would tell nancy something, it wouldn't happen. like, if i told her i was going out on a date, the guy wouldn't show up. if i told her i was going to class, i wouldn't be able to make it. I know, it's strange.
What can I do? I know that I just feel this way because I grew up with her. I just don't know what to do. I know next year will be different for me because I am super involved in school and hopefully going to start working at school and making all of these new friends. I'm even going to join a sorority. But, I just need someone, an outsider, to give me their opinion.
Thanks guys. God bless you xoxo
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You've got a lot going on in this message. Let's start with the earlier relationship. I think if she really had a crush on you or wanted to hook up with you, she would've made a move. That's what I did when I had a crush on my friend. I waited till we were drinking and I made a pass at her and let things go from there. If she really is bisexual, she would've hooked up some other girls by now and being her best friend, I'm sure she would've told you about it. As far as the older guy is concerned, you can't compare your friend at 16 and then at 20 because that is a huge maturity level difference. I hooked up with some great guys that were way older than I was when I was your age. She's old enough to date anyone she chooses even if it's not someone you approve of. There's a possibility that she resents you for not approving of her choice in boyfriend. I know that being her friend, you're only trying to look out for her best interest and sometimes an outsider can see things that we can't see right in front of our faces but she's a big girl now and if she decides to make bad decisions, that's her choice. Do your best to reach out to her and be her friend without trying to interfere with her life. If you need any other help, please feel free to ask me. I hope this helps and good luck.
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I would suggest talking to your friend about how you feel. Basically, try telling her what you wrote here.
Friends, especially best friends, can be difficult. She shouldn't treat you the way she treats you, and things sound awful confusing. But, she's your best friend, and you feel as if you have to stick by her, yeah? There's nothing wrong with that. My opinion would be to talk to her, get everything straightened out. No matter what happens, it'll all be okay. I can promise that.
:)
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