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Feeling all alone
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and together for 16 years. He had 2 kids proior to the relationship. I helped to raise the children and wanted a family of my own also. He agree to have more children but later said that, I wanted the 3 beautiful chldren that he gave me and that he was ok with just the 2 he had. also that when he sould be involved in something that I would need support he lets me do it myself. I had helped with the 2 other children which one had brain damage from a asthma attack when I was there and the mother never helped with any of the care for the children she only made things very difficult. I feel that what ever happens in our relationship I am on my own because it is what I want and not what he wants. He always buries his head in the sand and I always take on the responsible position in the relationship. So if something goes wrong with the decision then he can point a finger. Making me feel incompitent to do anything that works for both of us. When I talk to him about things that he needs to be there for he gets very defensive and makes excuses that I dont work so I can do it so he can work. for example I am being sued for bills and other decision that related to a business that we both agreed to buy that did not work out. Lots of the debt was in my name so he let me deal with it. Says that he will get involved when it may involve his pay. I want to know if he does this because he really does not love me just in the relationship for the comfort?
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Hi there,
I am certainly sorry for all you have been through. As for what his motivations might be? Hard to say, exactly.
Could be he is overwhelmed, just like you are, and this is how he deals with the overload.
Is it the best way? Nope... but it may be the only way he knows how.
There are so many issues between you at this point that it would be almost impossible to deal with just one at a time. And the two of you resolving this alone, with him appearing defensive? Not likely.
Counseling. Not optional. You guys really have to have some help sorting through this.
If you don't get some support, things just go down hill from here.
Here is the one thing I ask you to remember: He is probably just as stressed out as you are, people just show these things differently.
When you are overwhelmed, you only see yourself drowning... even when the other person is in drowning too.
He has to be honest with you, and likewise you to him. This is the only way this can work.
Good luck to you, and I hope you decide to do something about this sooner, rather than later.
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