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After all this time, I still love him....
This is a very long, complex question.
Recently, I just broke up with a guy I dated for about three weeks. I got over that pretty quick, but there's something else in the way.
After all this time, I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I'll tell you the whole story.
In August, I met him at the start of sophomore year. He carried my books for me, complimented me, treated me like gold...but I was in a relationship with someone else. And I longed for him, so much, it drew me away from my boyfriend at the time and we broke up because he thought I was boring. Anyway, I started spending more and more time with Semaj, and I was so in love with him that it got to the point where I couldn't sleep at night. He would eat lunch with me, spend every morning with me, and we also had algebra class together. And in January, finally, I made my move. I asked him out.
We had the most wonderful relationship. Semaj was caring. Semaj was patient. Semaj was everything I ever dreamed of. I am very insecure and negative, and he put up with it. He comforted me and became patient with me when I know I was a handful. And every day, I began to fall more and more in love with him. We spent everyday together. He and I had this open trust like any other, this confidence and committment that I thought could never be broken. We shared this deep connection and so many laughs, so many struggles and heartfelt moments. With every kiss I could feel myself falling more and more. And for a while, I believed he was the one for me, the one I would be with forever. We barely had any conflict, barely any arguments, barely any fights or tears or upsetting days. He always knew just what to say, how to make me laugh, how to make me smile. He would hold me every morning and kiss my forehead while I smiled up at him. I felt perfect. I felt loved. I felt like I could never be hurt. You see, my past relationships have been full of pain, lies, and heartbreak. But with Semaj, I was invincible. He promised to always be there.
My family really liked him, too. And although we had a few bits and pieces of drama because we were a black and white couple, we conquered. We conquered through it all. I felt like I was on top of the world, with him. I felt like I was truly loved. It was all so new to me to be treated like this, and it took me a long time to trust him and really pour out my emotions. But when I did, he returned his feelings. He and I had a strong bond, and we never kept a single secret from each other, and we always told each other our true feelings. We shared mutual likes and dislikes, laughed at all the same things, and had a good connection right from the start. I loved him every since that first day. I thought our love could never end. But it did.
The afternoon he broke up with me was pretty normal. It was a Monday, in March, I believe, and it was caused by a single text: "My dad is coming to town and I don't want him causing drama." I responded, "Okay." "Okay, so you're okay with being friends?" It came out of no where. I hadn't even expected it. I got very upset and he got angry and claimed he was going to make this breakup temporary but since I freaked it was permanent. I was extremely hurt. I cried my eyes out for about two hours. And later on, he agreed he'd work it out...and he said to wait for his decision. And so I waited. Every morning I saw him, but it was mournful. I cried each and every time, because I couldn't take it. He eventually told me his decision on Thursday.
He broke up with me face to face. I cried in his arms. He said he wanted to be in my life still, as my friend, and he'd take care of me and help me and be there for me, always. I am very emotional so it takes me a long time to get over things, so I told him that. He accepted and then we just decided to be friends. I still loved him though. Later on, he told me he broke up with me because I was depressing. He said he'd never been so depressed before in his life, and I was an emotional roller coaster. I was extremely upset, and I still am. I wish I could go back and change it.
In the days that followed, I began to fall for someone else as I got over Semaj. Semaj texted me that he wanted to get back together the day some other guy asked me out. I told him to wait for me to decide, and he said no. Semaj was very angry that I said to wait. He instantly got angry and told me to forget it. And then, it just died. I knew he wasn't worth it if he wouldn't wait for me. But still, I yearned. I'd see him everyday. Our friendship began to fade into nothing. He was rude, bratty, and snobby, always calling me mean names and doing mean things when he knew I was sensitive. I got angry and we both cussed each other out. I was done. We stopped talking. And now, we barely talk. I still feel myself want to burst into tears when I see him. We exchange few words in class, but it is mostly playful jerkiness. Sometimes it hurts though. I try so hard to be his friend and he is jerky.
But putting all that aside, I miss him like crazy. He was the first guy I really fell in love with, the first guy to ever love me like I loved him. I've been thinking about him constantly...and I miss him so much. I don't know what to do because I still want him. Yet we barely talk, and if I told him I still love him he'd probably be mean or say he has a girlfriend or something. Some days I don't know why I liked him because he's so mean...he's changed since we went out.
But the breakup made me stronger. I have been awakened. I have been more positive and willing to think optimistically, and I want to show him I can be positive. I want him back.
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I'm not saying this is the case but while reading this I thought to myself "Sounds too good to be true"
Semaj treated you like gold then after a brief split he treats you like crap when he was the one originally suggesting you two should remain friends.
Sounds like Semaj may have put on one hell of an act. The truth, When people get angry sometimes the real truth about them appears. Anyway, The only thing I can tell you is too try and talk to Semaj write him a letter if you have too and have him read it on his own time. One thing you should keep in the back of your mind though is Semaj broke up with you, If he doesn't want to fix things then you cannot force him to work things out. If he is mean then why exactly do you want to date him?
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