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I don't feel like a normal person anymore
20/f
i live at home with my parents. i am really unmotivated i watch porn a lot. at night i make out with my pillow and pretend it's a guy and have sex with him. i know that's weird and i feel weird thinking about it. when my mom calls me i lie to her and she knows when i do. my parents have spoiled me rotten so i guess that's why i am messed up, and they don't i watch porn, because i delete the history. i have an older brother who is probably the only normal one in my family. i am not close to my parents, we fight a lot. i have a bad attitude, and my parents yell at me. my attitude has gotten a little better. my therapist says because they were born in India and i was born here, the cultures are different so it's hard to get along with them, and i agree and understand. they see her too sometimes and they've changed a lot also, but they can be really controlling. when i am angry at them they just get mad at me, and makes me feel like i can't tell them anything because they'll start yelling at me. and whenever i want to be alone they'll bother me. and i usually will tell them to leave me alone and they'll get mad. they think because i live under their roof they ought to know everything i am doing, and won't respect my boundaries. my therapist tells them this but they don't listen. they think because their old now they can't change, and they are who they are but don't realize how it's having a negative impact on me. whenever we get in a fight and i call my therapist they make a huge deal out of that. and start saying things like oh you tell her every little thing. but aren't i suppose to? i can't stand it when they come home because they start asking me how was my day and ask me what I've done all day, like if i did any homework, which i don't do till they come home. I've been seeing a therapist for three years and she tells me my parents are allowed to talk to me about school because they are paying for my school, the roof over my head, and my car, even though that's the only thing we talk about. my mom does ask me from time to time what's going in my life, or if i am talking to any guys, which i don't because they don't let me date. and whenever they find out i am talking to some guy they freak out, but they can since i did some promiscuous things in my past. i only have a few friends who i don't hang out with that much since they don't seem to have time. i did have this one friend but she's become a religious judgmental, controlling nut job who i can't stand. and i spend my weekends with my parents going out to eat, then we come home and my mom will ask me if i have any plans when i go home?. meaning if i am going to study. At school, i feel weird like i don't belong, i talk to my classmates sometimes but lately i just feel like no one wants to interact because i talk too much, and one of my friends have told me that. it's true though because my brother and even my parents and other relatives have told me that. so i feel like i am just an annoyance to everyone. my therapist keeps telling me to keep trying at school to be successful, not to worry about making friends even though i am lonely, and to help around the house, which i do rarely, but i can't motivate myself and i am worried that i will fail and will get kicked out since i can't keep a job, since in the past i have had poor job skills,and will end up on the streets. I've already had to drop one class this semester and i have a W on my transcript. so i can't help but feel sorry for myself, since i am not close to anyone, well i am with my brother kind of but he moved so we talk on the phone every once in a while, but yeah i don't know what to do anymore.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Let's look at the situation here.
Your parents provide you with the necessities in life, they provide for your schooling, they provide and maintain the cost of your car and im sure they regularly give you spending money as well; you havent been able to hold down a job neither do you seem motivated in giving yourself much of an education. Can you honestly say youre surprised that your parents treat you as if you're a pre teen?
Have you ever had responsibility that if you flaked on it there'd be serious consequences, have you felt the satisfaction of working hard for something and earning it?
You have taken zero initiative in taking control of your life and your future. You seem to lack self discipline. You admittedly hang around with people that aren't good for you (like people who do drugs). Your parents aren't treating you like an adult or giving you the space because you dont act like an adult, you havent done anything to earn your privacy or boundaries in the family home.
Your parents do seem to be controlling in unreasonable aspects of your life but your parents are not mind readers and at the same time you dont seem to be taken seriously in important situations.
Your therapist is right. Regardless of the difference in cultures and personality there is much you can be doing to improve the situation. Most people of your age have been studying for years and are putting themselves in debt at university trying to give themselves a future. You need to grow up and learn that life is tough. You have to work at it.
It is likely people will talk about you or betray you or some other bad things but thats just part of life. It's whether or not you let those things get in your way.
If you want your parents to take you seriously then you have to CHOOSE to make some changes in your life.
- Do your homework and go the extra mile to get much better grades without being told to by your parents. Remember that you're there to learn. Not to make friends. If you dont get on with people, so what? Its not the end of the world.
- Get yourself a job and actually stick to it. Learn how to hold down a job and earn your own money and respect. Start paying for your own things like clothing, gas for your car and other expenses.
- Forget about the friends that mistreat you. Real friends don't do that. Recognize the people that are genuinely a good friend to you that you enjoy spending time with and make the effort with those people in your life.
- Take up extra curricular activities or something you're passionate about.
- Take the time to open up to your parents. Tell them about how your day has been or something that you're really excited about. Perhaps invite a close friend over for dinner. Make an effort to involve your parents in your life.
As long as you live in your parents house they DO have a right to demands certain things. If they have house rules you must adhere to them.
If you want your relationship to change with your parents you have to do the hard work. You might not always agree on things but if you want them to take you seriously and respect you, for there to be a time in your life where you can say 'im an adult, treat me as one', then you gotta be one.
You can give yourself the life that you want. It's about the choices that you make and the work that you put into it. Get up off your ass, do the work and act like a twenty year old woman. It's a lot of hard work but the concept really is as simple as that.
If you have genuinely earned respect as an adult, youve worked hard for a long time, achieved a lot and your parents still dont treat you in a manner that you have earned then perhaps its time to think about moving out and becoming independent, be it on campus or a small apartment. Relying on no one but yourself is the only way to give you complete and total freedom in how you live your life.
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