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This guy
So I absolutely love your advice and decided I'd try asking you for help since everything else wasn't working. This is long, I'm sorry.
16/f
So I've liked this guy for 2 years now. I've dated guys but I've always had a thing for him. He goes to my church and I'm best friends with his sister. I guess that's how we got close because I was always at their house. He's also two years older than me. So he's left for college now.
He's probably one of my closet guy friends and has been there for me with my guy problems and stuff.
We kinda admitted we liked each other back in September after I broke up with my boyfriend.
We'd text everyday and were pretty close. We talked on the phone all night a couple times and one time we kissed.
We told each other not to wait for each other because he's gonna be gone and if he finds someone there he doesn't want me to be crushed.
It was fine up until he left in January. He started talking about sex a lot and he knew I didn't want it. He always told me not to let guys touch me like that but now when it comes to him, apparently it's different. It bugs me so much.
We ended up getting in a fight after he called me. He started saying the things he didn't like about me, like my trust issues. I know I have a problem with it, I was raped by my ex and he knows so I don't know what his problem is.
He sent me a long text afterward apologizing and we didn't talk for 2 months. I gave him his space.
He texted me in March and it was fine again. He said he just needed time to grow up.
Well he started all that up again, telling me he wants to mess around when he comes back home. I told him I'd only make out because I don't want to go any further. He gets it and says he only wants to do what I want to do but he's always pushing it.
I was upset one day because I was thinking back on my ex and started thinking about this guy and afraid he was just using me. So I texted him telling him I didn't want to be anything more than friends. We talked for a bit but now we haven't talked for a week.
The thing is, I want to just stop it all with him but I like him so much and he was always a good friend. Just this one thing kills me.
Plus I like the fact we can't actually be together because I like dating or talking more than a relationship. I feel too young for something so serious. Is that weird? I feel like with him, we know we like each other but keep it as friends until I'm old enough.
I'm so sorry this was long but what do you think I should do about this? Thanks.
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Hi! Thanks for writing to me! I am really flattered that you like my advice. I love giving it, and so it has made my day to have you let me know you like it!
I think you are really clever and have a good idea of the right thing to do.
The fact that he told you not to let other guys touch you and then wants to himself shows a major character flaw, that has my warning bells ringing!
It is very inconsistant, and it also shows that he is not thinking about what he should do in light of God, ie, his focus is on his penis and not God.
He is also seriously disrespecting you, as he knows where you stand on the issue, with not wanting to, and also because of the rape.
It is a shame that you used to be such good friends, but I think you have to let him go completely.
Often guys like this will be nice and then try it again and then blow up at you, then go quiet and then try and be nice, then be dirty/angry again and it keeps going around in a cirle.
There are really nice guys out there who are like super men, ones who will respect you, and love you, take care of you, and help you to do the things you love most in life.
Someone who really loves you will put you before themselves.
That is great husband material!
I think it could be helpful to write a list of the character qualities that you would like to have in your husband, and also a list of what God says guys should be like with their wives (ie, husbands love your wives, etc)
and then compare any guy you are interested in with your list.
No one is perfect, but through this exercise you can look at a persons traits and see if they are similar or if there is anything that rings your warning bells (even a small bell is worth listening to), such as the guy with the inconsistant values and pushing the sexual stuff.
A really wonderful book which I really recommend is: Boy meets girl by Joshua Harris
It's about courtship leading to marriage, instead of dating and sex.
It's excellent!
After I read it, I did what it said, gave it all to God and then ended up with the guy who was to be my husband!
Please use that 'ask bewise a question' button as some replies aren't coming into my inbox.
I would love to help you more, and I would love to hear how it goes with this guy, and what you choose to do, etc!
I also say, OBEY and PRAY.
Obey God, and then pray and he will give you the desires of your heart.
God Bless you!
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