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mixed signals on 1st date- salvagable?
A man I worked with about 5 years ago returned to the state where I live and looked me up on the web. We previously had verbalized mutual attraction but the timing and circumstances were not right for us to connect then. We have had phone contact which has been flirtatious, (but not sexual) and met up last Tuesday night for coffee and a walk on the beach. (He had offered dinner, but I wanted to keep it casual) I KNOW I sent mixed messages because I was nervous and afraid of rejection. He asked when he could see me again and mentioned a couple activities/events. I was an ass and said "well, how do you think it went tonight?" UGH!! He say he thought it went well. Later he mentioned going to a b-ball game and I said "like buddies?" (I wanted to know if this was a date or not!) He said "I'm not sure yet." So when he went to kiss me at the end of the date I physically stopped him because all I could hear in my mind was "I'm not sure yet", which might have been in response to my nervous not-so smooth responses to his earlier comments. He said he was just going to give me a kiss on the lips "like a sister." (he's italian american). Obviously I'm an idiot. I haven't dated much in a while and was quite nervous as I am VERY interested in this man. I sent him a text when I got home as he requested, saying I had arrived safely. i phoned the next day to do some "repair" work and told him I would be interested in seeing him again - on a date-, but no pressure. He was in the presence of a colleague and said he would call later when he could speak more freely.The next day his number was on caller Id but no message.Two days have gone by since. I don't feel comfortable making any more overtures but am curious about what might be going on at his end. Thoughts?
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I think this is an instance where email/FB is your friend. Drop a quick message and briefly explain yourself. Tell him you are worried you sent some mixed signals the other day and you just wanted him to know that you did enjoy your time together and look forward to another date if he's interested. Yes, use the word date. If he's not going to make it clear what it was, then you should. Then just tell him to call you if he would like to do something again. Then goodbye. Short, sweet, to the point, casual. After that, if he doesn't respond, well at least you have the comfort of knowing you were able to explain yourself, so if he doesn't call then he's really not interested. I understand that you are nervous after being out of the market for a while. I like that you don't want to be the aggressor. I think a man should pursue the woman he wants. So send the email. Then the ball is in his court for good.And you don't have to wonder if things would be different if you'd only had the chance to explain yourself. Good luck.
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Hi,
I don't think you have messed up that bad.
Sometimes the perspective a person holds isn't how other people see things, and I think that is the case.
He may sense you are nervous, and might find that endearing and cute!
Take a few days and try and decide if you like him and want to take it further or not.
Maybe a pro's and con's list would help?
When you are with him, try not to say too many things about the status of your relationship (ie, as buddies). If he says do you want to go somewhere, just answer that question. Yes I do, or no thanks. If it is going to develop into a relationship it will. It is okay to physically restrain a guy from kissing you if you are not ready. He will still be interested, and will look forward to when he can kiss you, if you decide to do that. If you are wanting a relationship, you can indicate this by snuggling close, holding his hand and looking and smiling. Then when he goes to kiss you, just kiss him back.
If you are not interested, then when he phones you to ask if you want to do something, use that opportunity to say, 'yes i want to do something but just as friends, okay'.
Hope this helps! Would love to hear how you go!
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