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All of a sudden I just stopped wanting him. I am so confused, please help!
I'm a sophomore girl, fifteen years old. I dated a guy all through my freshman year, when I was fourteen and he was sixteen, a sophomore at the time. We'll call him Matt. Matt and I started off and for the first six months, things couldn't have been better. It wasn't until he started pressuring me to do stuff (sexually) that we started to fall apart. I know now that what he did was wrong because he used guilt and at one point physical power to get what he wanted. At the time though, I didn't see it. I was SO whipped by him, and SO clingy. I thought I would be nothing without him. (He was my first boyfriend, kiss, fingering, hj and bj). I was only clingy because I felt so attached to him from all the physical stuff and I was so scared to lose him. Which I did... He broke up with me in a text and refused to see me in person to let us talk about it. His reason was "were just not working out". We did fight... A LOT. After we broke up he did a lot of shitty stuff. He tugged me around saying he wanted to get back together and then saying he didn't (he confessed it was cause he wanted action), he gave all of his friends and his baseball team VERY vivid descriptions of how far we went (and lied and told people we had sex). He told me I was a whore, worthless, that he only liked me for hooking up, and so on...
I can't even begin to explain how much all of that tore me up. It was the worst summer of my life. I cried myself to sleep almost everysingle night... I ended up deleteing him from my phone, deleted him from facebook, refused to talk to him... And I finally started getting better. However. Halfway through the summer he tried to apologize for everything he did. He went on for a long time... But I said no, and told him I didn't wnat to forgive him because I couldn't trust him to not hurt me again. That I couldn't even be friends with him because I was scared to trust him in any kind of way. I told him he had hurt me too many times and I was in no condition to be able to take another round. He didn't like that and we ignored eachother again until school started.
When school started I was tired of hating him. It took too much out of me to keep it up and I just wanted to forgive him because I knew if I didn't, I would never be able to forget. Forgive and forget ya know? I needed to just be done with it. So I told him I forgave him. And that I was sorry it took me so long and that I was sorry for anything hurtful I might of said (even though he said I hadn't) and that I was sorry for being so clingy during the relationship (he said that wasn't completely my fault). And we seemed good. But the thing is... Now...
Now it's been about six months of us being friendly. We'll text every so often, but not much. I have dated another guy but I ended it... because I still had unresolved feelings for Matt. I don't think I do anymore. Matt has been dating this new girl but, I'm pretty sure they're breaking up soon... His best friend told me he was going to dump her cause he only liked her for the sex. Haha, he's still just as big of a douche. Anyway, I don't want him back or to ever be involved with him like that again. But it seems like everytime were alone together (which is kind of often... we go to this two person computer lab during studyhall together) we ALWAYS start talking about the past. And there's ALWAYS this energy between us. He's put his hand on my knee and rubbed my hand and I've pushed him off because he's a dirt bag and he's dating someone... but I STILL have this pull to him. And we fight... all the time. I can't even begin to describe our relationship. Were not friends... but we are? I don't know. I just feel like I'm never going to be able to have a normal relationship with him. What do you guys think?? Is it a bad idea to try and be friends with him?? And why is there still this spark there when he's hurt me so bad and for all this time I thought he didn't give a shit about me... which I really don't think he did. He never cared as much as I did, and I know that. But he gets angry when I say that. Even though its true.. UGH we just argue all the time and I jsut want us to be normal!! The weirdest part is, it was like one day he just stopped affecting me. One day, I stopped feeling this pang in my stomach when I saw him in the halls, and I all of the sudden just stopped wanting him. It scared me a little, haha. I don't even know whats going on... I'm so confused. please help! Oh he's a junior now, seventeen.
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I don't think think you should have any kind of relationship with him becouse it will be a big risk of him hurting you again and it may cause you to go into a big mental break down. Don't give the asshole a second chance stay away from him.
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You need to stick to your ground, Stop letting him take advantage of you. If you can help it, Avoid being alone with him. Matt treated you like shit, He doesn't deserve a second chance or any kind of friendship in fact he needs to back off and that is exactly what you should tell him. The new girl, It probably is what you heard..He just wants to use her for sex. Sounds like he is putting her through the same shit he put you through, Therefore she isn't getting no special treatment she is learning the hard way. You probably miss what you two had in the very beginning of your relationship but you also need to realize that wasn't the real him. The real him came out when he started being an asshole towards you and you should keep telling yourself that. Just avoid him, Keep your distance. As long as you have any contact with him, You are making matters worse for you in the long run and you make it even harder to forget about the situation. Meet someone who will treat you right, Matt doesn't deserve the time of day. Also, The pit feeling fading is a sign that you are starting to move on. (Which is a great thing!)
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