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This guy
16/f
So I've liked this guy for the longest time. He's 2 years older than me though. We've been great friends for like 2 years.
I've like him for somewhat over a year. I like him when I was with another guy and he always helped me with my problems with him, I eventually broke it off because I clearly wasn't gonna get over him.
We told each other how we felt back in September and it was great.
We can't actually be together since he's two years older than me. I was always at his house since I'm best friends with his sister and close with their family, which is probably why I started liking him in the first place.
Ok, I'm done rambling on..
We talked every day and we were closer than just friends. We kissed once.
He went to college in Jan. and we got into a fight and didn't talk for 2 months since he said he needed time to grow up.
We've been talking alot this month and he apologized for everything.
It was all good but like he talks about wanting to mess around with me when he comes home.
I have the worst trouble trusting guys. I've known him for awhile and we're great friends and I like him alot. I was raped about 6 months ago by my ex so I don't know if my whole trusting has anything to do with that.
Anyway, I would do stuff with him, I told him not sex because I know I'm not ready for that and he gets it. It's just if we do mess around a little, I'm afraid he doesn't really like me and it's just gonna be about my body. It's not that I'm not ready for any of that with him, it's just, I want to know if he really does like me. He tells me he cares and he wouldn't use me, but of course it'd get annoying if I never believed him or trusted him right?
I don't expect him to like me and only me since he went to college because I know he's gonna have dates and stuff and I'm not limiting myself to him either. He's just the guy I've liked for the longest time.
So what should I do? I'm sorry this was long, I had to get it out.
If I talk to him about it again, he'll say the same things so I'm not sure what else to say.
It's mostly about me trusting him. What do you think? I'm probably overreacting.
Thanks so much
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First thing you should know. I've learnt that the phrase 'mess around' or 'we should have some fun' always leads to doing stuff but with no strings attached. Meaning a hook-up but with no real connection. Or as also known. Booty Call. He seems like an ok guy. but might have different intentions.
Trust is a hard thing to come by. It's not given but it is earned. It takes a long time for trust to be given out. It should not be given out in a matter of days. Because you have known this guy for years does not mean that you know this guy well enough to being an active booty call.
Like the other Advicer,. you should go with you guy feelings. Be aware of what your doing. You don't want to get yourself into any situation that could end badly.
Hope this helps! :)
-Jasmine*
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Hey,
You should trust your instincts. I know you are probably thinking "duh", but really. If you want to spend some more time getting to know him before you go any further, that is completely fine. You know yourself and what you want out of a realationship. So, if you feel you don't know him fully to be able to let yourself be completely his, you should take that time to get to know him even better. I don't think age is a factor here. It was good that he took the time off to mature for you, that says a lot about him; he wanted to be that responsible guy. You seem mature enough to know that if one guy isn't for you, you will find another and that if you have sex, it will be with someone you will trust/love.
Since you are close to his sister, I would reccommend talking to her beforehand if you do plan on a relationship with him. Anyone who plans on dating a best friends sibling should know that there will be complications between you two unless you sort it out at the begginning OR she is completely fine with you dating him. My best friend dumped me for my brother (without telling me she was going to date him) so from experience, I want you to know she will feel hurt if you start spending all this time with him and not her. Let her know you are going to date him and that you will still make time for her. That way, you can have the best of both of them.
As for the guy, I think you should talk to him. He must have a sweet side if you were able to go to him about almost anything. Let him know that you care about him, but because you are still figuring out what you want in the long run you don't want to rush into anything atm. If he understood that you weren't ready for sex, he should understand why you want to wait before messing around. Besides, messing around can lead to very bad things if he doesn't intend on having a relationship with you/hasn't made one yet. Just let him know you really care for him and you would like time to sort out your life. If he is persistant on wanting sex, stand by your word. Any guy who truely loves you, will wait as long as it takes until you are ready. You are not overreacting at all; you are making sure he is everything you want so you don't make a big mistake (good on you). Trust comes with time. If you spend more of that with him and learn more about what he wants in the future, you will become more connected. Once you establish that, trust will come so easily. Believe me <3
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