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He is still deciding because I'm "depressing."
My boyfriend and I broke up but he wants to get back together. He's still making his decision because he's the type of person that has to think hard about decisions.
He said there are still reasons why he hasn't decided yet. Supposedly I'm still a little depressing sometimes. I am a very emotional person and a little bit pessimistic. When we established this relationship, he and I said we'd work on it together, and I say I have gotten better with my negativity. Of course this morning I cried in front of him and I do complain and whine sometimes, but only about little things. I'm a girl. I can't help it.
I can't be perfect. I can't change every little flaw. Sometimes little flaws can't be changed because that's what makes up a person. I don't get it. I don't know what to do. I really love him and if he lets me go because of my negativity I will be beyond depressed. I can't lose him.
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Hi there,
You know, I am tempted to delete this question. Would you like to know why? Because you are manipulating the people here to tell you something that will make you feel good. You know, better than I do, that you are only telling half the story here.
How would I know that?
Donating users have the ability to click a link and see other questions asked by the same user. It never reveals who the person asking the question is, but it lets them see the history of the person so that they can give better answers.
In your case, that is quite a lot to read.
Here is what I am going to do: I would like you to take some time and read back through your previous questions, just like I have. If you don't see what you are doing, that is a bad sign. If you DO see what you are doing, and I think you already know it, then that means there is hope.
Listen, I have been with someone who was in constant fear of relationships ending. She had good reason to feel that way, but it is something that has to be worked through before a relationship can succeed. ANY relationship.
Read your last few questions, especially the one about all the things you said to this boy, then wrote here that you didn't mean any of them...
... Be honest for a minute and answer me this one question: If you were someone else... would you really want to be with someone who acts like you?
Hard to answer that honestly, isn't it? :-(
Being fair about this is the only way you have a chance at this relationship or ANY other relationship working out.
Fear of abandonment is a very serious issue, and it is something most people will need to seek counseling to overcome.
I know you feel like things are hopeless. I know you want to have people here say it is all his fault for not accepting you for who you are, etc... you know all the cliche things people say in a situation like this.
I am sure, someone here will say just those things. They will tell you that you are better off without him, and he wasn't good enough for you, etc... BUT, we both know that this is something that your insecurities bring into the relationship.
There is hope. Get help. If you don't, then each and every relationship you have will be poisoned by your insecurities. You know that is what happened here. Read back through your questions and you will see many references you made to how you can't understand why he puts up with you...
... but as soon as he isn't sure he wants to put up with you any more, he goes from the best guy in the world, to the guy you are trying to trick people into believing he is by this question you have asked today.
When people are sure the relationship is going to end because they aren't worthy, or good enough or pretty enough or... whatever enough to be loved and cared for... they do what you have done here: push people away. You will hurt the people who care about you because of the way YOU feel inside.
I am not a doctor of any kind, but, as someone who cares about you without knowing anything more about you than what you have written here, I am asking you to seek help.
If you go to one counselor who doesn't "get" you, then find another one.
What you are going through is extremely common. I know you probably feel like the only person this ever happened to, but I promise you that you aren't.
You are hurt, and emotionally scarred, but there is a reason that this happened. If you know what that reason is, then get some help dealing with and overcoming it.
If you have no idea how you ended up sabotaging your relationships to make people leave you... then find out WHY you are doing this, and take steps to correct it.
This young man may love you with all his heart... but that won't be enough to overcome this. If you push someone away hard enough, long enough and in enough ways... anyone with a brain in their head will leave.
It doesn't have to be this way. You CAN fix this. This isn't just "who you are." Please take the chance to get help.
You will have to start by being honest with yourself. No more half-truths and trying to make people dislike others so you can feel justified in being hurt.
Be honest first with yourself, then, if you DO love this boy, be honest with him. Tell him that you know what you have done to push him away. Prove to him that there will be a change, by getting whatever help you need so that you will be less toxic to be with in a relationship.
If he loves you, he will give you another chance once he sees that there is hope.
Please get help. It is the only way to get what you want out of life without ruining anyone else's.
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If your negativity is to a level that is accessive,. then you might want to think about talking to some one. P.s. Talking to a therapist really does help. As long as they are the right ones for you.
And your right. Your not perfect! But!!! That's not a bad thing sweetie. No one is. He may not be able to support you the way you deserve to be supported.
Hope this helps*
*Jasmine^
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