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Iam depressed about the choices i've made
I've always had a hard time making choices on my own and when i've made my own choices i've always made the wrong ones let me give you and idea on how i've been living my life eveer since I can remember. i think it has to with the fact that my dad molested me when I was 3 and I don't remember it but I still have flashbacks about it like the police coming and putting him in a cop car and then putting me in another cop cap and then as having to have supervision while I was around my dad couldn't be alone with him. my mom's side of the family telling me about him molesting me and then my dad's side of the family calling my mom a liar. Then we I got older I started acting out when I was 12 my dad died. I kept running away from home from since I was 12 up untill I was 17. I started drinking when I was 18 and a man had sex with me while I was drunk which how I see it was rape. and ever since I turned 18 Ihad sex with 5 guys and one girl in 5 years time and now I just don't understand why iam living my life this way and I want to change how can I change the way I live my life?
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I think I have some advice that will be of help to you.
First; I'm sorry your father molested you. Not all fathers are like him and his family should never have treated you as they did. It is apparent from what you have written that his molesting you has left it scars.
There is a group called RAINN: which stands for, Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. I would like you to contact them. They operate a 24/7 hotline staffed by volunteers who are trained to help you find people in your town who can help you and are part of the RAINN network. There number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Please call them now.
If you would like to check out their website, the URL is: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
As for the man who had sex with you when your were drunk. Being drunk means you were not legally able to give consent, therefore you were raped. You could report this rape should you wish to. I would suggest you discuss this with the counselor from RAINN and follow their advice.
Once again I'm sorry your father molested you. Your mother should have sought therapy for you when it happened. It is not her fault that she didn't. Back then we thought children your age where more resilient and that being only 3 you would forget it ever happened. We know better now.
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You can start to change your life at any point. But no real change can happen if you genuinely don't want to change. This is a big factor. It's all about self discipline and making the right decisions.
You could cut down on drinking; start mending relationships with family members that matter to you; go into therapy to confront your issues instead of running from then like with the drinking and promiscuity; enroll into college or university or perhaps get a steady job and become a productive member of society.
There are many small and large steps that can and need to be taken by you but you've got to wholeheartedly put a stop to this. Chances are you will make mistakes along the way but what is important is whether or not you learn from them. It all starts with you. Have faith in yourself and acknowledge that you deserve better. You can give yourself that.
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First step. I'm proud of you for realizing this isn't what you want and that you want to change.
Now wanting to change and actually doing it,. is two different things.
Start with just a few things at at time,. such as if you wanted to stop drinking,. don't drink 5 days a week but every other day and then lessen it in a few weeks,. and the days you don't drink find something like hanging out with friends or going bowling to keep yourself accupied.
(This is just an example)
I realized i needed to change too when i was about 18. If you want to change your life only YOU Can make the changes happen. Just know some one out there believes in you and beleives that if you truly want to change you really can do it.
:)
Hope This Helps
*Jasmine«
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