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Last year was the worst year of my life, and its not getting better?
I have a 2.7 GPA (junior) because I've been having terrible procrastination all through out high school. It took its peak this year.. and I'm still in a mess and trying to sort of things. I've started to see a therapist about it but I just feel very defeated because high school has totally sucked, like last year was the worst year of my life. And it's my fault. And I wanted to go to the University of Chicago but I don't even know if its possible anymore. I mostly had 80s-100s my freshman and sophomore years, but this year I've been doing very bad
. I've been struggling and handing in work late.. due to my stupid perfectionism. and then i feel defeated and procrastinate. and then the cycle keeps repeating and then i just get more and more overwhelmed. and I'm trying to get done a lot but I dont even know if the teachers can accept things from last marking period.. but its so bad that I won't even get credit for English and Math for the first semester if I dont. Ugh, is there any way to get out of this mess?
I have no friends or anyone to confide in.. which is why I had to beg my mom to see a therapist, but its only once a week. I've only seen her once but I'm optimistic, I think. I used to not be this way at all but I've just been on this downward spiral.. and I want to get out of it but i dont know how or if anyone beyond my parents even care. and then i feel bad for expecting people to care but then most everyone else has some friends to talk to. its very hard being a new kid in school, too.. ugh im just tired of feeling sorry for myself and everything. i want a good future but i'm just afraid. like right now im procrastinating.. and everyday i want to do work but i dont know why cant just do it like 95% of the time!!
i dont want to get medicine from the therapist or anything.. i think i just have a huge time management problem. its nothing new, but as the course load increases every year i guess its just become very apparent. i want to fix this problem before getting to college, if i can even go to a good college. im intelligent when i apply myself and everything, and get high grades that way, but i feel hypocritical to show that im smart with all the poor grades i've gotten this year. should i even try to do my make up work from last semester? and is Uchicago pretty much out of the picture, regardless? what about UT Austin?
I feel like kicking myself, cause I know I can achieve much higher.. and then I feel jealous of the other kids who can get into harvard and everything.. its possible, but how did they do it? its so hard to resist the temptations of the internet especially. especially with not having any real close friends really.. the internet has just grown into this huge compulsion. its even harder cause a lot of homework requires the internet. and lately i've just been feeling like crap and excluding myself from everyone.. and its hard cause im actually really social. but i never really feel close to anyone. and nobody seems to care that im going through such turmoil. my parents underestimate it and even when we talk about it.. i still think they dont really get it.
ugh sorry for this babble but i dont know if you can help or anything. like i'll be exteremely grateful if you can, i'm just like the worst state ive ever been in. a teacher said ive become like a totally different person from last year, and i am.. like when i moved to this town i immediately got top marks, like mid to high 90s in everything. but this year, my junior year, its just extremely embarassing. and its all my fault and everything.. but how in the world could i get good recommendations and etc?
im so scared and ive just screwed myself over. can i even get out of this??? i feel like i've let everyone down, especially myself. How much can my GPA even go up before i graduate? i know i can just go to a community college and transfer.. but something about that just seems a bit sad.. i wish i could just go to uchicago first. i spend so much time just daydreaming about the way things could be in the past and things in the future without really doing the work to get the future i want. so many regrets. many times i have thought of freezing time, to get extra time to work on homework. so many times its embarassing, though I know it can't happen. or going back in time. i always feel like i dont have a lot of time.
idk why its so hard for me to see that things change little by little, even when i know in my head its true, my heart just doesnt believe it and i dont know how.
sorry this is just ridiculously long but this is just my life this year. idk anyone else to tell this to honestly. and i really dont want it to get worse, because that has been the trend this entire year.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
First, it will get better, it always does!! Right now, you need to take care of yourself. A reason for procrastinating could be because something is going on inside, therefore you lose concentration and entertain yourself with something else. I procrastinate when there is crap going on in my life. Also I make myself stay up late 'cause in a sense I try and "escape" or avoid the next day, when really that makes it all worse. So maybe there'res something going on inside of you?
So I have learned that if I just force myself to work on an assignment, stress goes away, because I am actually WORKING ON IT. What helps some people are incentives like; "if I get this assignment done then I'll allow myself to watch tv, until then I CAN NOT watch tv" or "if I get good grades by the end of this year, then I will buy that new game". So set yourself goals.
To get you motivated take time and picture yourself in your desired career, happy and successful. visualization always works.
As for college, I became sick and was out two MONTHS at the end of my first year of highschool, then 3 for my junior year. so I missed a huge chunk. now I'm in community college, and it's GREAT. and you don't need to feel ashamed! It helps you get a feel of college life, saves soo much money, majority of universities accept transfer credits from community colleges, and you can manage your own time.
My major is nutrition, and I'm not worried, I'm taking my time. Once you get yourself back on your feet, you'll be confident. Then just start putting yourself out there, meet new people.
and ANYTHING is possible you CAN get into your dream school, please don't doubt that:)
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First of all things are going to be okay. It may not seem like it now but things will get better. Second never give up. Your gpa can raise but youll have to give it your all and then you definately have a shot at cu and if you dont make it into there, theres plenty of other schools that you will. Who knows maybe youll find one that you like better. As for the time management i suggest you write out a schedule for yourself each night or give yourself a checklist to do before getting online. Last i suggest you get a littler more involved with your school. Keeping busy helps you to feel happier accomplished and allows you to make new friends.
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