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jelousy: i get insanely jelous of everything and everyone.


Question Posted Sunday March 6 2011, 11:00 pm

i have a problem. i get insanely jelous of everything and everyone. i cant stand when any of my friends are friends with my twin sister, or when my friends go out without me, or even when any of my friends have boyfriends or get with guys no matter who the guy is. and certian of my friends i get extra jelous and literly cry when they have other friends. i know i sound phyco but what do i do? please dont just say "learn to get over it" because its really not that easy. i need help. any ideas?

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dearcandore answered Monday March 7 2011, 12:02 pm:
You're not jealous because you are hateful. You're jealous because you are insecure. You depend on other people to help you feel good about yourself, so when it seems like they are not paying enough attention to you or that they have more good things than you do, it makes you feel bad about yourself. Its really great that you understand this is a problem. That means you are ready to solve it. That is very mature of you. What you need to do is find ways to develop who you are, to become more confident in yourself. The more you like yourself and the more confident you are, the less you will compare yourself to other people or depend on others to make you feel worthy. You can start by figuring out what it is you like to do. what makes you happy. Hobbies, athletics, general interests. Then you find a way to do those things. Join groups at school (I'm assuming you're still in school), anything you like to do. Don't worry about how it looks to other people. If you like theater, join the theater club. If you like to read, find a book club to join. If you like to write, get a journal and start writing, take writing workshops, look online for writing groups. When you start pursuing your interests, you'll learn more about yourself and that will help you feel more confident. You'll also meet lots of new people with the same interests, and soon your social plans won't depend on your sister or a small group of people. If a friend you want to hang out with is busy, you won't have to sweat it because you will always have other things to do or other people to hang out with. When you become comfortable with yourself and who you are as a person, you won't have to worry about jealousy rearing its ugly head anymore. It will take time, you'll have setbacks, of course. We all do. But you can get over this, with a little effort. And you'll be better for it. And the other thing is, once you're feeling confident and really making good things happen in your life, OTHER people will actually be jealous of you! Good luck.

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