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Best friend hook-up. I don't understand what's going through his head.
16/f
I have a friend, and he's one of my closest friends. I've known him for over two years now, ever since he was a little sophomore. He was never really very confident, so I helped him out by helping encourage the girls (who clearly had crushes on him) go for him.
Lately, he got his first, not girlfriend, but fuckbuddy, and suddenly gained all this confidence, which I always knew he should have had to begin with, because he's such an amazing guy. I admire him a lot and care for him dearly, and we used to be very touchy and close (platonically).
One night, we were snuggling and I told him how happy I was for him, and he thanked me. But, when I asked him about his fuckbuddy, he could only answer me begrudgingly that "she's not a very good person" and that "it's always hard to find a girl dateworthy."
Then, we just kept cuddling, and suddenly, out of nowhere, he began getting really touchy. He started to feel me up and I didn't really know what to do, because he'd always said he'd never do anything with me because he cares a lot about me and respects me. But, that night he ended up fingering me and afterwards, we made out and had oral sex.
Now, he can barely look at me. He doesn't talk to me anymore, and as for the affectionate hugs or any affection at all, there's none. A little while after we hooked up, I learned from the girl that he'd been hooking up with, that they'd stopped and hadn't done anything for two weeks.
Why, if we've been such close friends for over two years, is he acting so awkward towards me now? I used to be his little sister, and now he can barely talk, much less, look at me. Does the fact that he just HAPPENED to not get any for weeks mean he just used me, because he happened to be really horny? He's my best friend and I love him a lot, but I feel like he doesn't respect me very much now...because, he always said he respected me and cared for me too much to ever do anything with me. This all came out of nowhere and I'm scared I've lost my friend.
Could someone, a guy preferably, please give me some advice and help me understand just what exactly might be running through his head right now?
Thanks a bunch.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
He's finding himself and figuring himself out.
It's not a 'guy' thing. I did similar things to old friends while I was discovering my sexuality and sexual comfort. There is nothing that can confuse you more than interacting closely with someone in a new way, after you've undergone a huge shift in your life.
The best thing you can do, is send him a quick message and say "Look, I know it was weird and I wished it hasn't happened, but I want you to know I love you and respect you and I want to be your friend again - whenever you feel ready."
It probably isn't that he doesn't respect you - only that is confused right now about how to be respectful in this new bizarre situation. He is probably asking himself the same questions you are, and beating himself up for it ("Was I using her? Was I just being a horndog and ruined our friendship? Am I total asshole?")
I doubt he is acting this way because he doesn't respect you. It's more likely he is ashamed, and don't know how (or if) to ask for forgiveness.
Offer him your friendship - make sure he knows it's there if he can accept it. Then do your best to give him the space he needs to process the changes his life is undergoing.
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