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paranoid about everything
Hi so ok i've noticed for a while now i've been paranoid. when i was in elementary, middle, and high school i was bullied. in middle school these girls would prank call my house, and even know when the phone rings i get paranoid that it might be someone bad. and in high school i always thought people were talking about me. i even confronted them and i ended up getting bullied. i've been seeing a therapist and i always tell her i am paranoid about people talking about me and she thinks nothing is wrong and i haven't told her about the phone calls i am so paranoid about. i get paranoid about the phone calls when my parents around. today this boy and girl that sit behind me were laughing when i was about to sit down and i thought they were laughing and talking about me. and i turned around and i was like what and the girl said nothing, and so did the guy. this other guy who sat next to me sat next to me only the first day and we were at the front of the class. i thought he stopped sitting next to me because he thought i was staring at him, and i wasn't and i keep thinking about it. and i noticed no one will sit next to me in the class like i am at the front and the seats next to me are always empty, and i am paranoid and think maybe because no one wants to sit with me because i am weird, or i smell, or because they don't want to be my friend. i mean im 20 years old and i wonder when this will stop. this has been happening for a while. i get paranoid when my parents are on the computer because i am always afraid they'll find i was on watching porn which i've stopped watching since yesterday so i can stop being paranoid. i even had a dream that they found out and they were mad. and whenever they are talking to each other i get paranoid that they are talking about me like my bad behavior. and last week i got suspicious of someone who i though was following me when i was coming home from school. they followed me but they ended up turning in a different neighborhood. and when i came home i was scared still and i closed my garage door. i mean i am so paranoid it's getting to the point where i am so anxious about everything. i got paranoid today that these two guys were talking about me when they were leaving this restaurant we were eating at. i didn't know them but they worked at the toyota dealership and i told one of them i had a camry that was scratched and he thought it was funny and for a little while i thought they were talking about me because they were laughing. so i don't know what to do anymore. i have no self esteem and i always thinks no one likes me because i am weird and their always talking about me. what should i do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
The only way your therapist can help you is if you be totally honest with her. Explain, in detail, everything to her just as you have done here. and if you feel uncomfortable bringing the subject up in session then perhaps writing it down to her in a letter may help. If she doesnt take you seriously the find one who will and report her to her superiors.
It sounds as if you need some anxiety management and to be able to work on your self esteem and interpersonal skills. From what youve experienced with your peers in the past its completely understandable that you feel this way.
You also have to make an effort too. Use distraction techniques, Get to know the people in your current classes and see what theyre really like. And even if people are talking about you, so what? They are not important parts of your life and as soon as you leave schooling youre never gonna see them again. Let them talk if they want to.
Learn to accept and move on. Dont let your past bullies ruin your life today. Open up to a professional and learn to love yourself. You're al that matter, not them.
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