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Boyfriend doesn't like when I drink..
Okay so I'm 16/F and a sophomore. My boyfriend is 17/M junior. We've been dating since halfway through the summer before my freshman year. Ever since we've been together we've always been crazy. We both drink and party and he smokes (pot) occasionally but usually not. However, it's different now. He is an extremely talented quarterback and pitcher and this year a bunch of colleges have their eyes on him. He has chosen not to drink or smoke or party because he can't risk getting caught and ruining his chances in a D-1 school. And I have definitely cut back too. But I still wanna party, for like, the social part. I definitely don't get smashed anymore but I do drink when I go out (I also have a sober ride and friends with me). But lately my boyfriend has been getting mad at me. He says he doesn't feel comfortable with me going out without him by my side (I guess I never have done that before) but I can take care of myself and control myself. He says he doesn't like it cause he's worried some guy is gonna get me extra drunk and "take advantage of me". Being 5"5 and a 100 lbs it doesn't take much to get my hammered but like I said, I haven't gone past tipsy and mildly drunk for a long time. And I don't go out often, most of the time I'm hanging out with and it's not like there's a party every weekend. I'd say it's only once a month or two months. I think it's mayb him just missing being able to get crazy and what not... But I don't know. We fight about it a lot but it's the only thing wrong with us. I really love him and we both see us lasting a long time but I'm not doing anything that affects him and I like going out with my friends! What should I do??
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well this all sounds familiar partying and getting crazy is something most teens do. i think that you are way too young to be getting wasted so its good you have cut down. i think that your boyfriend is smart leaving all that behind and thinking of his future something that you should think of as well since u see each other lasting a long time. i think that its nice of him to worry but he doesnt have to be right next to u all the time... your growing up and need to learn to be responsible and to make your own choices.i also think that this is something you guys shouldnt fight about its immature you can talk about it let him kno how you feel and both can come to an agreement together. well good luck and hope it all works out have fun your young but do it safely! =]
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Your boyfriend is being a bit possessive, and a bit sexist.
You need to really tell him that he needs to trust you to make safe, responsible choices. It doesn't sound like he has any reasonable reason to suspect you would do anything else.
On one hand it's sweet he wants to keep you safe, on the other hand, it's misogynistic for him to think you NEED a man around or you are at risk. It's really not okay for a guy to treat you as though you are in danger when he's not there to protect you. It's a negative mindset and it can colour relationships in nasty ways.
It's might be partly him missing being able to go out, but whatever his reasons are, it's really not okay for him to give you any shit about safe behavoir. You can calm his fears a bit by telling him where you are going and who you are with (and you should always go to parties where you know the host, and with friends you can rely on), and yes, checking in can be sweet and helpful, but in the end, you have to be able to tell him, very clearly, that although you are sorry he is upset, him being upset doesn't get to change perfectly acceptable behavoir on your part.
If he can't handle a girl who has her own social life, he's got a problem that is bigger than your relationship, and he needs to learn to manage it.
UNLESS you are engaging in any risky behavoir beyond a few drinks with friends that he might legitimately has a beef with, he needs to be told firmly and lovingly to shove it and get over it. You might still give him all the information of where and who and when, or call to check in as a favor to him, but even as you do that, tell him he needs to deal with his negativity around this. It's not cute or endearing, it's belittling and possessive and it's not okay.
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Hello,
To start off I'm against drinking and smoking anything, because of my family's past expierences but I'm not the type to judge. I'm happy that your boy friend has a good chance at doing something he loves, and that is good at. It's really hard to find good careers in this economy, you should really support what he's doing now because it's a big improvment. You need to respect his wishes and not go out so much without him, he obviously cares about you. It's true that someone could take advantage of you, even though you say you can take care of yourself, and you can control yourself, sometimes you can go over that amount, and make a big mistake. Things happen. I understand that you like to go out with your friends, you still can. I suggest when you go out bring your cell phone, call him every so ours to let him know your alright, or tell him to call you..sounds childish but do you really want your boy friend to worry about you when your our partying? When you love someone, you have to be even on things. Listen to your boy friend, he just wants the best for you :3
I hope I helped,
Emily <3
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