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confused about love: what are the symptoms?
I am 18/f. I have been through a lot with guys. I am so confused about what love is. My mother tells me that I am "in love with love" based on my behavior, but I hope this is not the case.
1. Infatuation: When I was 14, I was totally infatuated with this guy, I'll call him Matt. It was what I would like to call love at first sight. He wasn't interested in me as a person; he was just interested in me sexually. I portrayed myself in a sexual way to him because I wanted him to like me, and that's all he ever wanted to talk to me about. I never let him do anything with me (other than talk about it,) though. Let's just say I learned my lesson about guys and sex, but I don't think I've ever felt as strongly for a guy as I felt about this guy. There was just something about him. He gave me overwhelming butterflies, and I memorized things he said to me and repeated them over and over in my mind. We "dated" for a month, but I was 14 and the relationship was immature as can be. But, I did share my first kiss, and my first infatuation, with him. My crush on him was important because it set a high standard for my future relationships. I haven't been able to get these feelings for anyone else. I crushed on him subconsciously for 3 years total.
2: First real relationship: My most long-term relationship was pretty recently, I'll call him Ryan, and we dated for a little over 1 year. We broke up in August 2010. The first 4 months of our relationship were good, but after that, dating him started feeling like a chore. I never had butterflies for him, and I knew I wasn't in love with him, but I thought that feeling would come with time. I stayed with him because I had feelings for him, but now that I'm out of the relationship, I know they weren't love. It wasn't hard to break up with him, but it WAS hard to have him out of my life because I was so used to us being together. I lost all of my friends while I was dating him, and put the relationship over everything else, which made me resent Ryan. That's when I knew I wanted my life back.
3: Current relationship: Less than a month after the break up, I met John. He was a lot different than my last bf, but. He gave me butterflies and and we became exclusive after talking, getting to know each other, going on dates, and spending time together for about a month. I'm so confused about him, because this relationship is kind of in between the two other ones I've had. I'm not totally infatuated by him, but for the most part I'm not feeling like dating him is a chore, either. But not knowing how I feel about him is starting to really stress me out. There are times where I would spend the rest of my life with him, and I feel so connected to him, and like he understands me and I understand him. But the butterflies are far less frequent now, and I don't want this relationship to become like my relationship with Ryan was. We have spent every day together for about 2 months, because I feel like I can't go a day without seeing him. We have all-nighters together because we don't want to leave each other. But there are times where I feel like I did in my last relationship, where I feel smothered. I like to be pretty independent, but I don't want to go a day without him.
I guess what I'm asking is, what are the symptoms of love? I do think about John all the time, and I know that that is usually what happens when you love someone. I have the urge to tell him I love him every time we are together, but I hold myself back because I'm not sure if I do love him or not. We have only been together for 3 months, so even if I am in love with him, (which i don't know if I am or not...) I wouldn't want to tell him yet anyways, until I am 100% sure.
Basically my question is, based on the information I gave:
What are the symptoms of love? How do I know if I love John or not? and,
Do you think I am in the right relationship right now?
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I can't say I totally know how it feels to be completely in love with someone but I totally get where you're coming from.
My relationships were just like yours. I started liking a guy two years older than me, I was 14 and I liked him when I was 15 too. We were talking and all he wanted was sex but he told me he cared and all that.
My last relationship I was in was about 10 months but I broke up with him because of the same reason you had. I knew I liked him but I know I wasn't in love and I just knew that my forever wouldn't be with him.
Now I'm also in my current relationship of 3 months so far and I don't think I'm in love with him but I know I do love him.
You won't always have butterflies for someone. Don't base love on those kinds of feelings.
Just think, is this the guy you want to spend forever with? Will you be able to live the rest of your life with him?
You have to love him for him though. There would be so many good and bad times and if you would stay with him through all of it then you know you love him.
Even if things change like his looks and he doesn't look as young and fresh, you'd still be with him. Love is a feeling but it's also an action so I know a lot of people who just say they're in love with someone because they always feel so good around them and have butterflies, ect. But what if you don't feel so good around him when you get in a fight? Would you still love him?
Anyway, don't get me wrong. People still do get butterflies even if they're like 50. Well, everyone says you'll know you're in love when you are. I'm pretty sure you'll know. Good luck!
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