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abussive on and off relationship
i'm in a long distance relationship i'm 21 he's 23, he changes his miind alot and i dont know what to do , i know best would be to not be with him, but i wanna be with him i think something is wrong with me , cause he is not nice all the time, actually he is very mean sometimes calls me horrrible names insulting me but then next day he is like saying he is gonna move to my city and started looking for appartments and all so i dont understand if he acts that way cause maybe wants me to end the relationship or he just doesnt care or knows what he wants, he says he wants to be with me however he always imply that he knows im cheating (which ive never done) and actually one time we broke up for like 2 days he hooked up with a girl next than 24 hrs later ...and told me about it like 2 months after that happened .. i dont know what to do anymore to be honest..because one day he tells me he loves me and that he doesnt mean it when he calls me horrible names, but then next day if i dont pick up one of his calls or take some minutes to reply to his texts he starts calling me names, i always reply very fast and he NEVER does , sometimes he even dissapears for a complete day ! like 2 days ago he got upset cause i didnt took his calls and i stayed over at my friend's but the truth is my phone battery died i explained and still he started calling me a slut..we were still discussing that on the 31st in the morning and from 4 pm on he didnt took my calls or reply to my texts until today january 1st at 2 pm.....and he didnt even reply he just asked "what did you do yesterday i know you hooked up " and i was like no i didnt etc why didnt you took my calls etc . he said he was asleep which i dont believe, then he confessed at night he was at this party, but im like he usually replies even when with friends and he doesnt when he's with girls obviously so my guess he was with girls ... instead of trying to prove me wrong he was just like whatever you're a slut anyway...and i was like please stop messaging me i dont wanna talk to you anymore or anything else to do with you, he started texting me really mean stuff like you're a total slut (when he's the one that has been sneaky about stuff) and i'd never be serious with you unless its about f***ng you, and i didnt reply to that , he started texting me messages like oh you want me to f*ck you right ? (i didnt reply) and he started sending lots of messages like this :S like how he wants me to treat me like a slut and stuff etc. ...my guess is he did this so i would get upset and stop replying cause after that i tried talking to him and he didnt took my calls so im guessing he was being mean to keep me a way for the day and go out without me bothering him or whatever that's about cause he is usually all over me asking where im at and today he hasnt even asked cause obviously he doesnt want me to ask him., my point is sometimes he does stuff like blaming me for hidding stuff (which ive never done) blamming me for having lots of guy friends (which i dont even have ) blamming me for liking other guys when the truth is he is the one who admited to hooked up with a girl he thought was really hot, ...like he has no reason to tell me this stuff and still he does it i have even thought maybe he does it cause he wants to feel less guilty for maybe doing this things by blamming me or assuming i do them too, but then he also tells me he's gonna move to my city and live with me :S !!! i dont know what to do im so desperate i know its stupid sometimes he is very sweet but he's being really mean all the time now , like i would understand if he doesnt want me but then why is he asking all the time where im at and asking if im into other guys when even he was seeing this other girl behind my back, i dont know what to do has anyone ever had an experience like this ? another thing he doesnt trust me cause of the distance, he lives in britain and i live in america but he would come visit etc
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That really doesn't make sense what he's doing to you. But what I can say is he's probably cheating on you with some girls or doing something like flirting or talking to a girl. I'm just guessing don't take it personally though. Because his behavior is obviously bad. The truth is he just doesn't want to look like the bad guy he wants you to always look like the bad guy. Even though you are being 100% honest with him and you should be feeling more insecure about him but your not and that's totally mature how your acting towards him. In this situation there's nothing you can really do. You can try to compromise and say that it's not fair how your being treated when he's really doing all the bad stuff. You guys need to have a heart to heart talk that doesn't involve yelling and screaming and cussing and calling mean names. Just be open and talk about each other's feelings, and HOPEFULLY that should resolve your relationship. But you guys are in a long distant relationship and those are tough. So you can either choose to stay with him or leave him your choice.
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Lets nail this down a bit
Your boyfriend obviously doesn't trust you, He accuses you of cheating and then gets all pissed off when you ignoring him and take time to cool off. (Lack of Trust)
Your boyfriend also, Has a tendency to treat you like shit then try and act like nothing happened a few days or hours later. (Lack of Communication)
Well, Honestly..Why are you still with him? You do know you deserve better don't you? The fact is your boyfriend is an immature ass who doesn't trust you. If he goes and hooks up with a girl after you two have broken up for only 2 days then he clearly didn't care all that much in the first place. The best thing for you, Dump him and move on. Find someone who will respect you, Commit themselves to you and trust you. Your best bet is to also try and find someone local, It's easier and a whole lot less stressful. You deserve better find someone who won't play mind games with you.
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Okay so you shouldn't even be asking this question darling because deep down I know that you know that this relationship is doomed. Im not trying to be a pessamist, but come on. The guy is definitely not trust worthy and you deserve better. You don't need to be called a slut every to seconds from a douche beg who probably has 300 STDs. No. Get out while you can, block his number, I hope you didn't tell him exactly where you live. If you did, I'd get a restraining order. Guys like this can become really obsessive and stupid. So, just be careful and stick up for yourself. You DO deserve better hunn. :)
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First of all, this is a complete mess of a relationship. You don't deserve what he's doing to you. He shouldn't treat you like that, and you shouldn't let him. If he's always different, then you can never trust when he'll be nice and when he will not. Do you really want to live with him? Do you really want to handle all of his mood swings? Or more importantly, will you be able to handle him?
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