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Not exclusive but sex?


Question Posted Thursday December 2 2010, 8:58 am

From a guy's point of view, can you kind of tell me where we stand/are going?

I met this guy a month ago and since then, we've gone out together almost every fri/sat night, we spend a lot of time together throughout the week, talk on the phone for an hour or so every night before going to bed, etc. I've also spent the night at his place several times and have had sex with him maybe two or three times recently. BUT he said that he isn't an exclusive relationship type of person unless he knows he knows he wants to marry the girl (he said this the week after we made out after our first date which was a week after i met him) but that he's also not into playing around with girls. When we go out on fri/sat nights he holds me hand and puts his arms around me.

Am I just a "friend with benefits" type of person to him?
I mean, from what I gather, he's a very nice and considerate person (he was really sorry to tell me that he's not an exclusive person and that he's really sorry if he hurt me) so I don't want to think that he's just using me for sex, but at the same time, I don't know how well I really know him...


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Thursday December 2 2010, 9:00 am:
When we talk, it's usually about random things, life, etc. It's not flirty or sexual in nature. And when we hang out or go out, it mostly centers around watching movies or listening to music or going out to bars to listen to more music, watching hockey games, etc. and again, nothing flirty or sexual. .

Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


K3587 answered Thursday December 2 2010, 1:22 pm:
Sounds like he's been hurt recently and doesn't want to jump back into the game anytime soon. Unfortunately for him, that's exactly what he's already done. If he doesn't want an exclusive relationship, he's already taken it too far, and can't back out now. This, to me, brings up one of two possible scenarios:

1. He does like you, wants to persue a relationship with you, and has already taken the steps to do so. However, he made a promise to himself after he got burned, and he's trying to stick it to, albeit very poorly. I tried this once back in high school. We're still dating almost 6 years later.

2. He's a misogynistic sociopath who can manipulate you into believing he's a sweet guy that's really into you, all for the benefits he desires. He's good enough at it to not bring it up constantly and alert you to the fact that it's all he wants. He wants to eat the cake but not actually have it, if that analogy makes any sense. He's patient, if nothing else.

Scenario 1 is far more likely, and I don't want to make you paranoid, but I've seen both happen. My advice is shaky here. Personally, I would wait a while while things still contitue to improve, then give an ultimatum. If this is gonna remain stagnant at the "new relationship budding but will never move beyond that point" phase, you should probably move on to someone who will actually accept you, and ignore their past issues. If he refuses, he's pretty selfish, or very paranoid, and neither will end well in the future.

However, I hate to think an ultimatum could end badly for you, when simply ignoring what he has said could eventually dissolve any doubts of his. So, I leave it in your hands. It's a tough call, let me know how it goes.

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