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Where are "we" going?
I met this guy, G, about a month ago when we got together for a study group thing. Within that first week, he asked me out on a date and we ended up going back to his place and making out. He wanted to have sex but I told him no and he respected that. Well, after that night, he and I had a "talk" as to where we stand and he admittedly said that he wasn't an "exclusive relationship" type of guy unless he knew he wanted to marry the girl & that he was really sorry if he hurt me because he really does like me but he's not a relationship guy and he doesn't want to get into a relationship he doesn't know he can handle.
I really like him and he really likes me, that's for certain. I've spent the night at his place several times, we hang out a lot, go out almost every Fri/Sat night together, and we're either texting or talking on the phone every day. We've also had sex maybe two or three times. I know I've only known him for a little over a month but things just happened.
I'm confused as to where we stand now...I know it was probably a bad idea to get intimate with him so early. I've already had such a lengthy talk with him about relationships that I don't want to go through such lengthy discussions about where we stand and having sex again. He's a really nice person, very considerate and understanding - but I don't think *I* can deal with another "talk" so soon.
But I don't want to be "friends with benefits" type of person either. What should I do?
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The truth is, there isn't going to be anything more than a fun time between you and this guy. He tried to make it clear to you without hurting your feelings. He isn't the "relationship type" and doesn't want to settle down. A lot of young guys are like this.
You said yourself:
"...he and I had a "talk" as to where we stand and he admittedly said that he wasn't an "exclusive relationship" type of guy unless he knew he wanted to marry the girl & that he was really sorry if he hurt me because he really does like me but he's not a relationship guy and he doesn't want to get into a relationship..."
Sex doesn't mean there is a real connection for most people. Sex is just sex. He asked you to have sex on your first date. That didn't mean he wanted to date you, spend extra time with you, or even get to know you better. I'm sorry, but it's the flat-out, honest truth.
He can be the nicest guy you know but not form any attachment to women like you wish he would. He could treat you like a princess to your face, but only want to use you for what's between your legs when you get down to it. Just because he's nice to you doesn't necessarily mean he likes who you are or wants something more to come of this friends with benefits situation.
Skip the second "talk" because, to be honest, nothing will change.
He would tell you how much he likes you. That you're a nice girl. That he just isn't your type but wants to remain close friends. That he enjoys your company. Just that "he" isn't the "relationship type" or some nonsense that sugar-coats the truth of: "I just want sex."
Give up on the idea of a relationship.
Move on to something healthy.
Use this as a learning experience. A guy who wants to bed you on the first night has absolutely no interest in your personality, really. A guy who has sex with you and tells you to your face that he isn't "relationship material" is him being as honest as he can while sugar-coating the truth so he can keep getting laid by you.
Be glad you're learning this now. Move on. Move forward. Grow as a person. And get into a healthy situation with a person who really IS interested in WHO you are and not what you can offer them in the sack.
I don't mean to come off as so harsh but I've seen this happen SO many times. Some girl thinks that since they've now had sex that everything has changed. The truth is, nothing has changed except that you spread your legs for him now. He didn't magically become a "relationship type" of a guy in a few weeks. Honestly. It might hurt to know you're just being "played" with but you have to know and start realizing these things yourself some day.
And, for note, a guy saying he isn't an "exclusive relationship" type of guy means he's trying to say: I can't keep it in my pants. I can't form emotional attachment or connection with women. I have a tendency to be unfaithful. I have a tendency to have short-term relationships because I get bored with a woman easily. I like to play the field. I like to have my cake and eat it, too.
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