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Expectations too unrealistic for my age?
16/f
I'm single, and recently out of a longterm relationship. I'm not very interested in being in any relationships for the time being, but I want to date. It's something I miss most to being single. You know, the getting-to-know-you type of thing where you don't already know the person enough to not have anything to talk about. This seems perfectly reasonable to me, but I can't help but wonder if dating just for the sake of dating is wrong or unfair? I just don't want to be looking for anything serious right now, not that I would be against happening to find something serious. It all depends.
The problem with all this is that I feel as if my expectations for my age is too high. My last boyfriend was a lovable dork four years older than me. Instead of going to parties and getting wasted and doing crazy ass stuff like drugs, alcohol, and sex (not that we never had any fun lol), we'd just...spend time with each other. You know, go out to dinner, go out for a walk, go out on trips (mountain biking, hiking, runnign, beach,ect.) chill out at a coffee shop, read with each other, just sit and talk for hours, ect. Is finding a kid, possibly my age (that's what I think would be best for me since I really do think I should start looking for people my age and not in college) that would be willing to just "chill out" too high of an expectation?
I'll drink and get a little buzzed, but for the most part, stay away from alcohol. I don't smoke pot, either. I've had my experiences involving drugs and I've determined it's not really my thing. I don't like hearing people talk just for the sake of talking, and considering what the conversations of my peers consist of, that counts as just about everything.
I want someone serious enough to know not to be too serious, but not make an ass out of himself, and as hard as I look, I can't seem to find any guy like that, my age, yet. This all makes me sound like such a prude, but I can promise you, I'm not. I'm actually very fun and spontaneous, and hoping to find someone to date.
I'm just tired of running into guys thinking they're the shit, because they "FINALLY have a car" and so, FINALLY have the audacity/balls to just...be themselves.
I'm attractive. I have plenty of friends, but they're either in college or going off to college, and lately, I've been feeling worried and a little lonely.
What should I do? Just writing this makes me feel/sound like a pretentious bitch, and I hate it, because I honestly don't mean to. Any advice would greatly be appreciated right now. Thank you.
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You say at the beginning here that it all depends.
The crux of your problem is that you are struggling to take a deep breath and letting it all depend on the situations and people you meet.
I understand your desire to date, but you also need to see some of the completely realistic, and totally understandable limitations on that desire right now: You, and every boy your age you'd be interested in, is in a 'hurry up and wait for it all to begin' phase in their life. You are intelligent, single and not yet in college. This is not a good launch pad for a varied dating life - especially if you have a strict age limit.
There is nothing wrong with dating for the sake of dating. There is nothing immoral about not going into every date imagining that this new person might be the love of your life, the father of your children and delivering his eulogy in front of your dozen grandchildren! That feeling that you can't date for dating's sake, comes from deep cultural programing that tells us the only acceptable reason to form a romantic connection is for the sake of life-long partnerships or marriage. You can merrily toss that idea out the metaphorical window.
Everyone else who answers this question is going to tell you how brilliant, articulate and mature you are. They will be right, but you are also pretentious (an easy thing to be when you are brilliant, articulate and mature at sixteen) and experience might teach you that your expectations are too high for anyone, not just teenage boys.
You want to date, but between the limitations your age and situation puts on you, plus your self imposed limitations, you ARE going to have a hard time finding anyone too date right now.
I'm sorry I'm not coming out with any spectacular advice for you here: The truth is that you've set yourself up (with your expectations, limitations and moral concerns) to NOT be dating at the moment.
Maybe you should be looking to feed your desire for newness, and stimulating conversations, in venues other than dates. New clubs, new hobbies, new activities, might help with the boredom and loneliness, without the hurdles of dating, and help you let "it all depend", instead of pushing and pulling yourself in contradictory directions.
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Just by reading this I can tell that you are mature for your age. This explains why all your friends are in college and older than you. I'm not saying all guys your age are immature but the truth is that most of them still are. I don't know you but by the looks of it I can see you being better off dating guys a little older than you. If you're feeling lonely you should hang out with your girl friends. Just go out and have fun, don't put so much thought into guys. One will come along eventually, just have fun while you're still young. :)
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