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Cannot leave but it hurts to stay....
Hello everyone. I really do not know who or where else to turn to with this problem so I am coming back to advicenators after a very long time to ask for some much needed advice.
I am female, 19, in college. I go to a very good college, 30 minutes away from home, live on campus, and work close to school. I am dating a man that is 27 years old, lives almost 1.5 hours away from my school, and works even farther. We love each other very much, but I am not happy.
We have been together on and off for almost two years now. We have had a lot of problems because of our age difference and because of his past. I have helped him through a lot and he has helped me mature. I love him, but the truth is that sometimes I feel like I am in an abusive relationship.
Not physically, of course, even though he does have a temper he's never purposefully hurt me. He is just very selfish and I am the opposite. I would do anything for him, yet he thinks about himself more. I always blame myself when things happen, yet he turns everything so as to not make it his fault. He never believes he is wrong, guilty, or shameful. To him, its always everybody else.
We have had issues with this in the past, and I've left him a few times because of it. He said he would change, and give more, and truth is he has changed a whole lot. But he is still very controlling and selfish. You would think I could be able to break it off...But I've tried doing that and honestly I am miserable without him. I am stuck. I really tried leaving him and the whole time I was depressed and felt like I needed to be with him. I know he was depressed as well, he couldn't eat, sleep, or function, but he said that since it was my decision he couldn't do anything and he was just going to do him and focus on himself because I didn't want him.
I on the other hand couldn't focus on anything but him. It's too hard for me to leave him but it hurts sometimes to need someone to be there and that person only be concerned with themselves. I don't know what to do... I need some advice!
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Darlin', you are 19. You have your entire life spread out in front of you. You are smart, getting a good education which can take you just about anywhere you want to go in life.
And you are choosing to live in a deep dark corner of a cellar.
You have seen the future with him, and it is ugly. His need to posses and control you will only increase and he will do whatever he can to keep you within his grasp.
You will never be right, your children will never be right. You and they will only be allowed to be moons in orbit around him and will not be permitted to have lives of your own. You will only be able to exist to please him.
Please, please, walk away. I know how hard this can be, how empty you physically feel, like your heart has been ripped out, but it will pass with time. You will feel better, life will not be so awful and it will get better, and have your own life, a life you will gladly share with the right person.
Please. Bright red flags are flying. This story has only one ending and it ends with you being unhappy for years and years to come.
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