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Work, don't work, depressed family
17/f
My mom wants me to quit my job because she knows that I am stressed out. She told me she'll give me 100 - 200/month. I refused because I don't want to take her money, I want to grow up and make my own. I get sick of the fact that she constantly brings it up, "Mary, maybe you don't have to work as much. I'll give you 100 - 200/month". Now, I was actually thinking about it. I mean, seeing how much work interfered with my school work. I'm one of the lucky people who did not get a phone call to get kicked out of the high school program I'm in. I'm pretty shocked myself. I'm barely passing half my classes. Now, I'm going to have to study hardcore for the next two weeks to pass this semester; or else I will get kicked out. What will I do then? I'm going to have to look for another school that would take my credits.
Yesterday morning I was awaken by my mom's crying. I never heard her cry before, I never seen her cry so hard. It was over money, she said her money disappeared. So I was thinking she was robbed. I was about to freak out, no... She hid money in her room somewhere and it disappeared. Who did she blame? My dad. She always accuses my dad. She said she worked so hard for the money, for me and my sister. If something happened to our car, and etc. It was for emergencies. She started saying how terrible and horrible my dad was, and she recently gave him 1800 dollars. So she called my dad and wanted me to listen on another phone line, he was confused. He didn't know what she was talking about. My mom had me search through her room to find it, if it wasn't there. It was him. I knew it wasn't him, so I had to find it. I found it. Now, she must've felt like she cried over nothing.
I told my sister about it, she was really angry. She was wondering how come my mom is always saying it was our dad. She always accuses my dad about money, and later on... And it always turns out she misplaces it. She came into my room saying how my dad this and that, this and that. I wanted to dieee. My dad came home and she automatically shuts up, and says, "if dad asks, say you don't know" and walks out. She's so paranoid. My sister says she needs to stop stressing herself out because it's effecting her health. I told her we should get her anti-depressants, she said she already was taking it. Whaaat? I was joking. I didn't think my mom was depressed.
My co-worker says that's normal for women around 40 years old, because they hit menopause, and they think their lives are over. But still, it's my mom. It's been bothering me for a long time now about my mom. And my dad isn't making things better, his skin is getting worse. I keep getting angry at him. It's allergies, he goes out into the sun and the garden and sweats and he rashes up. I recently put medicine on his back, and it got worse. It grew up. I asked him if he went out, and he said no. Dad... Don't lie to me, you did. I saw you outside yesterday. My sister and I tell him to stop going out, so he would stop seeing the doctor, and stop buying so much medicine. He never listens. He's too stubborn. Now, I'm just wishing that winter will just come so he would no longer go out.
Then I find out, he's borrowing money from his credit card company. That explains why we're in debt. My dad is retired, my mom refuses to give him money. My sister moved out. And I'm here. I feel like giving up on everything, literally. I'm starting to feel like God wants me to fail, just so I can learn from it or something. But I want him to prove to me that not giving up has it's rewards, because if I fail, how is that going to help me? How does that make me a better person? That's just going to make me feel crappy. The only light in my life at the moment, is my sister.. Who lives in another city now. And my boyfriend, but he makes me want to give up too. Why? Because he sometimes loses hope in us and himself. I don't even know what to do anymore.
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Never lose hope,I know some times life gets really hard but the rewards from all that hard work are worth it.And if your job is affecting your school you should cut back on your hours.Your co-worker may be right about your mom,so you really shouldnt stress about it,it only helps you lose focus on your goals.Your dad should be staying inside if his skin condition is that bad try talking to him and telling him your worried.Remind him that you just dont want to lose him.As for every thing els it sounds like you need to find something that helps you relax.It will get better in time,and right now stressing over it is just depressing you.Take a few breaths and step back and look at your self,remind your self that your doing all you can and it will be worth it.
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