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How do I open up?
I am 15 years old. Ever since I can remember, I have been unhappy - including my early childhood, which was filled by drunk and uncaring parents. I was sexually abused by my step brother for 2 years, and when I tried to tell my parents, they threatened to send me to a therapy session for 'false memories.' I grew up a quiet and introverted child, and I could never change my ways. I have always been filled with this guilt, sadness, and hatred, which led to me wanting to commit suicide. I hate speaking about my past. However, I want to learn how to open up and let people in - to trust them. I want to not worry about what they might think and to just move on. How do I do that?
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first of all i'm really sorry it sounds like you had a terrible childhood and to be honest with you if you don't speak to someone about this and open up, your past will haunt you for the rest of your life and you will never be able to trust people, the fact that your parents don't want to believe you is a problem so you need to speak to someone else that you trust and tell them about your step brother, maybe another close relative someone that your parents are going to listen to you should even try going to a shrink because this will impact your life dramatically if you don't let it out soon
best of luck
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The first thing you should do when it comes to opening up is know that what you endured is NOT your fault nor should you feel guilty or want to harm yourself over it.
Death isn't an answer and no matter how HUGE a problem may seem it always gets better in time. Next, you should have professional help from a psychiatrist to help you with these memories, your parents and moving forward.
Tell the doctor exactly what you told us about the abuse, memories, parents and being threatened with being sent away or to therapy for having "False Memories" against others.
He/she will do a real number on them for that. Also, no information unless you have harmed others/yourself will ever be released to them or others.
You need to go to an emergency room actually and tell the people there that you're filled with guilt, anger, sadness, hatred and an overwhelming feeling that you should kill yourself.
What they'll do is introduce you to a psychiatrist who will start treating you on the spot, provide medication for depression or otherwise and get you to where you need to be to have a quality life in time.
If they think you're a threat to your own well-being they can temporarily hold you for 72 hrs or as long as necessary to successfully handle this.
It's not such a bad thing to stay there until you show signs of being better. They make sure you're in the safest environment to heal and not want to hurt yourself.
There's a lot of NORMAL people just like you there and a few who will return to normal with their help so it's not at all like what you may be visualizing.
It's the best move to seek professional help as you need it to handle this issue that won't go away otherwise or improve.
As far as what others think play this card close to your vest. Nobody needs to know anything and or should be on a case by case needs to know basis. Nobody outside of the doctor would ever need to discuss this with you or know your past. You control this.
If anyone ever found out and said something which isn't likely tell them "That's a personal issue that I don't discuss with others."
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