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guesss whoo
Okay, thank you once again. I hope you can come up with something to tell me, because Im clueless, and Im numb. I can't feel anything inside. But I have a facebook, but I couldn't find youu.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
So sorry it took so long to get back with you! I wanted to really think it out, because I don't want to be someone who is going to just tell you what you want to hear, because if things don't work out that way, it won't help you all. I know for a fact that emotions as a teenager are very overwhelming; I remember!! I think you should think about that - I mean, just the fact that your emotions *are* really powerful right now. Not that they aren't true - but they are more powerful than anyone is really equipped to handle. If I had to go through the emotions I went through as a teenager again, I think I'd just check myself into the nearest asylum and call it a day! :p *smile*
Seriously, though; what I mean by that, is try to back up some and see the whole situation in perspective. You're almost 18 - the average person lives, oh, fifty or sixty more years.
So you've only lived a small fraction of your life. There is SO much that will happen in your life a year from now, five years from now, ten years from now, even TWENTY years from now - you'll be living and loving and hurting and fearing and laughing and crying and everything. I know it's *really* hard to see it that way; but it's the absolute truth. So try not to let the situation completely rule your life. The bottom line of the situation is that you and I just don't know what is going on in his head - and on top of that, there's nothing we can do about it.
Ok, so you have been the one to keep the two of you in touch all this time, and you feel sure that if you were to stop - you wouldn't see him anymore. Here is what I *honestly* believe in that case, about the situation - if that is true, then he isn't worth it. If he wants you in his life, then he needs to make some kind of effort. If he doesn't make that effort ON HIS OWN, then he's not worth it.
You have to also ask yourself this: How do you know that he wouldn't make the effort? You said that you two went a year without talking because you tried; well, you were still underage then - as you are now. I believe you should do everything you can to put the ball in his hands and leave it there. Wait a few weeks if you need to; but don't stop your life to wait on him.
It really sounds to me like you are losing your perspective on the situation, and you have to fight to keep it. You are worth him making an effort - he claims to have these feelings for you; make him show them. If he doesn't, and you end up initiating all the contact and making all the effort yourself, your setting yourself up to get hurt SO much worse later on.
Think for a minute - what if: What if you waited till you were 18, then you called him and demanded that he keep his promise or tell you right away that it wasn't going to happen. Then what if he *did* keep his promise. You would always wonder why he did it. Years down the road, if something suspicious came up, the first thought in your mind might be that he was seeing someone else. You would never know how he really feels - and I know that you want him to love you the same way you love him - and I know (believe me, I know...) I know that you don't care why or how or if it's really what he wants; you just love him so much that nothing else matters. Nothing. I know; I loved a man that way once. I thank God every day, now, that I was able to move on and find the man I'm married to now- because, *he didn't love me back*. It hurts even now; and it's been several years; but he didn't.. And I would never have been truly happy if he had kept me around and we had stayed together, because he loved me, sure, but not like I loved him. And that kind of lop-sided love doesn't work - it just HURTS.... :(
Now, let's just look at the other side of the picture for a minute too - because as much as I'd like to be, I can't tell the future, and can't tell from the pieces I have what the truth really is - maybe he truly means everything he says; otherwise, why wouldn't he tell you? If you were just to let go and believe him - and if you get hurt, so be it; you're going to be hurt if he's lying, so what's the harm in believing him? So just let yourself believe what he says, for now, and wait until its time for him to either make good on his promise or not. Try not to torture yourself worrying whether he's being honest or not - there's nothing you can do, and if he *is* being honest, then you're worrying for nothing; while if he's *not* being honest, well, you'll have plenty to worry about when it comes out in the open. He might just be staying away because he's confused about his feelings, and he's afraid of how he feels, and maybe he's just not sure he wants to settle down into something as serious as it would have to be with you just yet.
So you'll have a lot of decisions to make when that all comes out. But in the meantime - it's no use to use up all your energy agonizing over it. You have to just tell yourself over and over again that you'll find out when you find out - and live your life until you do. Try very, very hard not to live your life for him right now. I know it sounds impossible - but it's not, and you'll look back and feel proud and independent and self assured if you can manage to do it.
Gosh, I know I'm throwing a lot at you and some of it will be hard to swallow, and I'm so so sorry. :( I know how hard it is and it's just such a huge pain that emotions have to be so complicated and overwhelming. It won't always be so impossible - it does get better. I would suggest you try to distract yourself from things, find hobbies and make some plans - some YOU plans, for you, on your own, to carry out. Think about the way YOU are going to live your life - no matter whether he's in it or not. Focus on other things; or try to - as best as you can.
Because when it all comes down to it, you don't know how he feels, and you can't make him feel something he doesn't, and if you REALLY think about it, you wouldn't want to anyway. You want him to love you - but you don't want to FORCE him to love you; you want him to love you all on his own. If he doesn't, then its not worth it, and it will only hurt you more later.
Also, think really hard about how many years you have ahead of you - you've only lived a fraction of your life so far, there is SO MUCH ahead of you - so many years - and those years will happen whether he's in them or not, and you will have good times and you will love - whether it's with him or not.
A very very good rule to live by, is when you're disturbed about something, the first thing you do is ask yourself: Can I *DO* anything about it?
If the answer is NO, then push it out of your head; you're wasting your energy worrying about it.
If the answer is YES, then think about what you can do, and focus on doing it.
And something to always remember, also - you can NEVER control what someone else thinks or feels or does - but you are ALWAYS in control of how you react to it.
In other words; you can't make him love you - and you can't make him NOT love you. You can't make him text you, or call you, or keep his promises. NONE of those things are in your control.
On the other hand, you CAN control how you react; to whatever he does - or doesn't do. Don't believe that you "can't" control something about yourself - you make decisions, a million decisions, every moment; and you can control what you're going to do, think, and sometimes even feel. If you don't like the way you're feeling, or if you want to feel different - do something about it - look at it in a different way, or push the thoughts out of your head - practice doing it - until it becomes automatic. It gets easier.
Once you accomplish that - if he loves you, and meant the promises he made to you; he *will* come around, and then you will be able to have a relationship with him *KNOWING* that he came to you all on his own, without you pushing him into anything at all. If he doesn't - then yes, it will hurt; but you will be ready to deal with it; you'll be equipped to move on, and to realize that it's better off NOT getting into a relationship with him, because if you would have, you surely would have been hurt even more later down the road.
Oh, I wish I could tell you something more positive, I wish I could just tell you exactly what you want to hear and *know* that it is true - but life isn't that easy. *smile* Life is really complicated. This situation is complicated - and I'm just so afraid you'll be hurt - and even more, I do NOT want to see you sell yourself short - if he loves you, if he meant all the things he said - then he needs to SHOW you that he did; all on his own. Otherwise - I'll say it one more time, because I simply can't stress it enough - otherwise, he simply isn't worth it.
Again, write whenever you like, and feel free to let me know how things go. Find something to focus on until the magic birthday comes, and then whatever happens, keep hanging in there - move forward - with or without him. YOU are worth it, and you CAN do it!
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