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Communication
So this guy and I have been dating for a couple weeks now and it seems like an okay relationship. We don't do anything sexual, which is good since I'm a phobic. We just give light hugs. We talk every so often and stuff.
Well, something about this relationship is starting to bug me (And it's not the fact that my friends scream at me for not making out with him or something silly like that) He always one words me. If I ask how his day went, he'd just say good and you? And if I one word him, he just stares at me, waiting for me to go on. He gets impatient sometimes too and I feel like it's starting to snap. It doesn't help that he's younger than me and his other relationships didn't particularly count. His sister, also my friend, tells me that I'm his first real girlfriend. I know I should be patient with him and I mentioned a couple times, some things that would help it move along, but it's like he ignores it or just doesn't wanna give it a shot. I'm getting nervous a lot too and it's not helping... :( Some help, please?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ask more questions that require more than one-word responses. Seriously.
"How was you day today?"
Turns into:
"So, what happened today with you?"
and things like
"Whats your favorite color?"
Turns into:
"How do you feel about [color]?"
...
"Do you like [this] movie?"
Turns into:
"What are your favorite movies?"
or
"What was your favorite part about [this] movie?"
...
"Do you like so-and-so's class?"
Turns into:
"What do you HATE most about so-and-so's class? I can't stand it!"
etc. Find your usual question and try to form it into something that usually isn't answer with one single word.
A lot of people have this one-word-answer problem. I use to be pretty bad for it. It's not that I didn't want to talk though. It's just that I had no idea what more I could or should say. I hated it when people did it to me because they obviously knew how to make better conversation than I did.
So, try to work around the problem by altering the questions you ask him.
"Did you like the movie?"
becomes
"Wow, what was your favorite part of that movie we just saw?"
Alternatively, help him out by asking follow-up questions so that he knows what he can further say.
"How was your day?"
"Good and you?"
"My day was alright. Nothing really happened though so it was kind of boring. I did have an awesome lunch though, which was probably the highlight of my boring day, haha. What happened with you today?"
And try to ask newer questions. Answering the exact same question the exact same way every day gets boring. You know you should say more, but you don't know what, and this other person insists on asking the very question that troubles you every day.
So, instead of prompting him about his day just make a statement and go on with conversation.
"Well, my day was pretty boring and bland. I sure hope your day was a better and more exciting. I was so happy to get to talk to you today after school. You're always the highlight of my day."
It gives him more to work with. He can then talk about his day, your boring day, or how much you two care for each other. If he's still stuck from there then you might have to lead conversation a little more.
It can be very hard to learn how to communicate and conversate when you don't have much practice to begin with. While you can sit down and tell him you "want" or "need" him to improve it might just put more stress on him and further his internal anxiety or confusion. It's good to present the problem with him but don't keep pestering him to improve just because you don't see the improvement yet. You can help him more by leading the conversation. "I'm glad you had such a good day today. What made is good?" or "Really? What happened today then?"
Don't be robotic or anything. Don't tell him, "I'm trying to help you talk better with me!" just do it. Just go along like it's how you normally have conversations. If he ignores the question then ask again in case he didn't hear it. Don't keep bringing up that he has a problem. It can be very embarrassing, especially when the other person keeps reminding you that they're coaching you to improve. Just go along with the conversation and choose better questions for him to think up a response for in the conversation. And be casual! If it takes him 3 minutes to figure out what to say then act like it's no biggie.
If it really is bugging you then it might be time to call it quits. He isn't likely to magically improve overnight or within the next few weeks. It takes time to learn how to have a back-and-forth discussion like normal people. If he doesn't have much practice then it's just you and him working at it and that can take quite awhile.
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