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unable to orgasm
I'm 21/F and have had several sexual partners. Right now, I'm in a serious relationship, so my boyfriend and I have sex quite often. The problem is, it just never feels THAT great. There's definitely no orgasm because everyone I know says when you have one, there's no mistake about it. This has got me to realize I don't think I've ever had an orgasm and it scares me. Sex has been pleasurable, just not mind blowing. We do try a few positions, but I'm not sure what to do next. Even when I try by myself, I don't get off. I just want to be able to have an orgasm! What can I (or he) do?
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Honestly, you are not alone. Not every woman can have an orgasm. I think you are putting too much belief in the mind blowing sex. You said you tried many positions. But maybe what you need is to go back to the most basic ones. Do not feel scared if you don't have an orgasm. Sometimes we go through periods where we just can't get any pleasure at all. Do you exercise regularly? Because exercise can help too. It relaxes your body, calms your mind and just makes you better. You might want to try that. Don't worry. Just enjoy the sex. Orgasm or no orgasm, you're with a guy who loves you and that is the most important feeling of all.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
The female body is probably the most intricate mechanism on this planet. The fact that you have not had an orgasm yet does not astonish me. You say you find sex pleasurable; which is good as receiving pleasure is 90 percent of what having sex is all about. The fact that you have not had a mind blowing orgasm is negligible at this time, it will eventually happen.
The why of you not having that mind blowing orgasm goes back to my first sentence: the female body is an intricate mechanism, no two are alike. The first problem at the moment is that you are trying to hard which means you are not relaxed enough to have an orgasm. Another problem could be that you are the type of women that needs a lot of foreplay and clitoral stimulation: or you could be like my wife who needs long vaginal stimulation. It also could be that you are not entirely comfortable with where you are having sex. The fact that you can be over heard by or that roommates or parents could walk in on you, all enter into your comfort zone. We also cannot leave out the biggest orgasm killer: will he make me pregnant?
While a man can orgasm at the drop of a hat a women needs comfort and security both with the person she has chosen to mate with and the surroundings in which she is matting. If comfort and security appears to be the problem then you and your mate need to find a better place to have sex. One in which you feel comfortable and safe.
As to whether you are more clitoral or vaginally orgasmic this is something you will need to find out for yourself. Here again surroundings are important. Find someplace where you will be comfortable and not be disturbed. Buy a properly sized dildo and vibrator, you can order them over the web if need be, and masturbate starting with clitoral stimulation. Be genital with yourself if you are not sure just what to do there a guides to masturbation on the web as well.
Once you find out what you need to orgasm don’t be afraid to instruct your boyfriend in how to bring you to orgasm. Remember that no one knows your body better than you so to be fair to your partner you need to tell him what works and does not work. The same is true for him.
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The majority of women don't achieve orgasm through regular sex, surprisingly enough. Yet again, for millions of women, sex itself doesn't feel phenomenal or even nearly as great as it does for the guy since there is no direct stimulation other than g-spot stimulation, which doesn't always occur and many women never feel any pleasure from.
Over half of all women(statistics say this, I'm no one to judge) achieve their first orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and even then through masturbation.
Talk to your boyfriend about the situation and tell him how you feel. There are PLENTY of help sites online which have detailed articles on every query you may have.
There's absolutely NO reason to be scared! Relax!! =) A first orgasm can always be tricky to achieve, and women's bodies vary. Just because something works for some girl, doesn't mean it can work for you, and it definitely doesn't mean you can't achieve orgasm.
I suggest unless it's important to you that he be the donor of your first orgasm, that you master it yourself before he gets in there. He could be by your side, though if you feel more comfortable to completely let go alone, then do it alone. After all, no one knows your body better than you, and trying to get him to do it when you don't even know how alone, will only complicate and prolong matters.
Again, don't worry AT ALL. If you are worried/stressed/thinking about how long it's taking/thinking about why you aren't reaching orgasm/not letting go of inhibitions it simply WON'T happen.
I like to think this is the way of ensuring conservative stuck-ups never reach physical climax.
What you can do is start simply. Do your thing, get yourself or let him get you turned on, and go for clitoral stimulation. Start rubbing slowly, you may notice yourself getting wetter, and only increase the pace when it's pleasurable to. Don't force it or you'll just end up hurting and feeling sore. Don't do it too hard either. Work your way up to climax with constant stimulation, either mental or from your guy, but then again, whichever way works for you.
Just remember the importance of letting go. Relax and feel good. Don't worry anymore, I've a feeling you'll soon be feeling much better :) xxx
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