|
humorist-workshop
She was like a trapped bird who needs to fly, but I still want her back
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months, and had a great summer living together, but once we got back to our normal school routine, and she got a new place with new roomates, she started to seem really distant. We started having way less sex, and she would sometimes seem like she had a coldness to her that I cannot really explain. She always said she was "tired" but sometimes admitted her depression, but didnt ever blame it on me or us. However, I could tell our relationship dynamic was part of the problem. The sex never really picked up to be what it used to. We continued loving each other very much and still did romantic things together, but for some reason she continued to seem distant, close, distant, close, distant, close, etc etc
She asked if we could take a break. We took a break for about two days before she said she couldnt stand it any more, so we started spending time together once again. Things seemed to be working out great at first (the break seemed to help), but after some time she again started to lack the same emotional connection that she had with me before.
It was really starting to effect me. Our relationship was making me depressed and effecting my school work. She started criticizing me way more frequently, pointing out my faults more than usual. I wanted so much for things to be how they were and for us to be connected in the same way, but they couldnt seem to get back on track. Finally one day I saw her and she didnt seem at all affectionate and in fact seemed to not really want me around. That day in class I couldnt focus at all, and I decided that the best thing for me to do is break up with her.
I broke up with her by saying that I want her to be happy, and that I think to do that she needs to be free. So I said I think we need to break, and that I need a break. She said she thinks its the best thing too, but asked, "can i come back?" She cried and kissed me and hugged me and I could tell she was sad. Then she left.
I really do not want us to seperate. I just want her to be happy and to get her life back so that we can be happy together again. I know she needed this because she really needs to fly. She was feeling like a trapped bird...I know it. What should I do? Should I not call her for a while to give her that space? Or would that ruin my chances of getting her back? I know she loves me and I know I love her. But I want to do the right thing. I want her.
Already Tried:
I have asked several places for advice. someone said I should tell her we should cut off contact for a few weeks while she sorts things out. I did just that and she said she doesnt understand why we need to do that. I am afraid that if we talk and end up getting back together, things will end up the same lacking physically and emotionally. However, I am also afraid that If I continue to cut off contact, I will lose her completely. She called me last night (the night after all this happened), in tears. I know she loves me and I love her but I dont know how to get her back. It really sucks not being able to see her.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Unfortunately I've been in a very similar situation. Its tough seeing the one you love hurt and having a hard time. I broke up with my last boyfriend because I felt he wasn't happy and I felt he was depending on me to hold all the happiness and to make everything go away. I'm on person I can't do that nor do I have the power too. I love him a lot but I can't be with someone like that...I want him to figure it out but right now its uncertain.
It seems to me that your relationship is going through a rough spot and its tough I know. Most likely you want to listen to your heart but your mind is telling you something else. I think it is a good idea to give each other some space to figure out what you both exactly want not just in the relationship but in your lives. Give it time...if its meant to be its meant to be. Give it sometime to set in and then figure out what you want to do in about a month or two. Let her figure out what she needs to figure out there maybe something thats going on that you don't know about. Good luck! I hope it works out for you two!
]
Alright, obviously school has gotten her stressed out. I mean you said that when ya'll were living together everything was great and fine. Then when school started she acting all distant and cold. She's stressed out, she can't balance out having a relationship and schoolwork. I would say that you did the right thing, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't lose feelings for you. Just give her some space, let her organize herself and afterwards, ya'll can start again. In the meantime, don't let it effect your schoolwork. While she focuses on hers, you should focus on yours. Everything will be fine.
]
More Questions: |