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recovery from emotional abuse
I need help talking with a good friend of mine who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 months or so. The relationship has recently fallen apart and I want to help her understand that it was abusive.
While she was in it, whenever I tried to talk to her about it, she saw it as an attack and our friendship suffered. It never got to the point where I brought up abuse because I didn't want to lose her entirely. I kept stressing that the relationship wasn't healthy and she bought into that. She had excuses for his behavior and was okay with it because he did good things for her to make up for the bad. She has been in very abusive relationships in the past so her perspective may be a bit skewed. Compared to the others, this one wasn't nearly as terrible.
The relationship has consumed her for a few months and I haven't seen or really talked to her in a long time. The few times we did talk or see each other, it was because she needed something. She used me and after awhile I stopped letting her. We aren't as close as we were and she wants to rekindle the friendship. She feels bad for what happened and is trying to only have positive friends in her life. She lost almost everything she had because she gave everything to him. She means a lot to me and I do not want anything like this ever happening to her again. Right now, she is blaming herself. She thinks that she was obsessive. I am not sure if abuse has crossed her mind, but my guess is that if it has, she has dismissed it.
I haven't dealt with a situation like this before and I want advice on how to approach it. How can I turn her thoughts around and show her that she wasn't obsessive, he was controlling and abusive?
Should I wait a few weeks for things to settle down or bring it up right away?
My idea was print out the warning signs and show them to her. Go through each one and explain how that was exactly what happened to her. Is this a good idea?
What are some things you can say to someone that has been emotionally abused? I've looked at websites, but I'd like some advice from people too.
I do want to give her another chance at friendship. How can I keep her from using me, but at the same time not hurt her? She is in a very fragile state right now.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First of all women that fall in an abusive relationship and keep comeing back to people that are abusive is because of one thing .she has very low self asteam she thinks she can't. Do better or get someone that will treat her right .she is in denial of it all .and after years of abuse makes it only worse .but if you are a true friend and it seems like you are give her time .and on the other hand don't let her emotions get get the best of what you have for her .be firm and understanding .the signs that you have of abuse that you have printed out is a good idea to show her and I think you are on the right track .she needs to know especaly in black and white .but explain that you are on her side and want too help .tell her that you care about her and don't want her to get to where she was before becase there is more to life then what she had and she can do better for herself and that you are there for her .she will come around eventualy but be patiant wit her it does take time to heal
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