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THE perfect guy and i want less?
alright i have the best bf in the world, he treats me right, were good mates, we talk, theres action lol u get the drill.
but i dont like him as much as i want to, i feel like i still have feelings for my ex .. even though hes a tool and treated me horribly.
My ex still has feelings for me, but were just good mates.
he is constantly bugging me and my bf for attention, and i think my bf knows i like him to.
what do i do?
and also we have only been dating for three weeks and were moving quite fast how can i get us to slow down but still kept him pleased?
14/f
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I think I understand how you feel, although I can't be sure. I was in a very similar situation for a while though it may not have been exactly the same.
As for the first part of your question, I've been there. You might have trouble deciding what to do or the next best course of action because of conflicting feelings and not wanting to hurt certain people and of course yourself in the process. It makes perfect sense that you and your new boyfriend haven't been together that long, since you will find that these problems dissolve as time goes by and things fall into place, though there are a few key points you can try working on if you want either relationship to flourish.
Now I'm supposing you would really like to be with your current boyfriend because he's so good and the 'obvious' choice though lingering feelings may conflict.
If you didn't wait sufficient time between boyfriends then it explains the situation further. You clearly still find your ex appealing, although he obviously can't be the 'right' choice, right? Your ex is still appealing to you because you still seek him in certain ways. Maybe now that he's less available to you?
As girls, we're always initially more attracted to the guys which allure us the most rather than those who treat us the best.
You have choices here that only you can make. Do you want to really try to make this new relationship work, or are your loyalties, heart and true desire locked on the other guy? If you haven't got closure yet, this might be the case. I got closure from my ex by doing certain things I now regret. Time has passed and I want to be with my boyfriend more than anything in the world, and I can't believe I got trapped in the cycle of chasing such a violent, rage-prone, selfish person. Though when there are strong feelings involved, everything changes.
Remember time is healing. As time passes, certain things I can't mention here will become clear to you, and certain feelings will resolve. The thing I can definitely advocate is gradual distancing from your ex. I was under the illusion of remaining best friends with my ex and I couldn't see my life without him, and things just broke apart. The reality is, if you make the choice of being with the new guy, you have to go the whole way to get over your ex. It will take time but is worth it. Keep in mind your CURRENT boyfriend is your boyfriend, and will fill in the space your ex had in your life. Dedicate more time to your new boyfriend, though make sure you encourage his freedom. This will both make you seek him more and ensure you don't just jump into anything too fast. Be COMPLETELY open with each other. Tell him your conflicting feelings and how you feel. If his feelings get ahead of him and he starts telling you how much he loves you etc, if he hasn't already, don't panic. Give your feelings time to settle down. You are at a stage in between feelings, and things will get better. The third or fourth week after I split up with my ex was the toughest, and came with the most stupid mistakes.
I know telling yourself your ex can be such a jerk can't change your feelings from him. You need to move on, but can't do it too fast. Your current boyfriend needs to have a lot of patience at this time, make sure he knows this, but consider his situation too. Try to be as selfless as possible, though for now the unusual circumstances call for extra understanding on his behalf.
The solution will be achieved when you 'like' your current boyfriend more than your ex. That isn't yet the case. Don't make your ex inaccessible all of a sudden, though. This might make you long for him as if he were a treat just a tad out of reach.
Take it slow, but get things moving. You can't just rise to the challenge here, you have to rise above it if you want to get over your ex. Be strong. Don't submit to temptations, and fight through wayward thoughts. You can't keep your ex in your life like this until your feelings go away. They will if you help them to. Try to limit direct communication with your ex. Don't try to please him anymore. Don't say things just to please him, and don't do things to please him. You are above him and the fact that he bugs you for attention can be a sign of him knowing that. He wants you because now you're out of his reach, don't give in to him. You are better than this, you just need to realise it yourself and believe it.
If you feel like you need a dose of your ex once in a while, as is common for now, you can exchange a word, or meet up with him and friends, though never alone. Don't put yourself in that situation, no matter how much you may want it for now.
Keep your distance from your ex, and you will notice as days and weeks pass you seek him less and less. Your feelings for your current boyfriend will grow and you will start seeking as you once did your ex. Don't worry though, things will work out.
If it so happens that things with your new boyfriend don't work out, then at least you will have acquired a clear head and can work out the next best course of action without conflicting feelings and worrisome thoughts.
And don't worry about keeping your new boyfriend pleased. Don't mistreat him and consider his feelings at all times, but don't worry about keeping him interested. If he's a keeper, he'll stick around.
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