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Should I ask him? Can I trust him?
18/f
So me and my boyfriend have been dating just over 3 months and it's going relatively smoothly for the most part. Well last night I find out that one of my newer friends dated him a while back which is totally fine until she told me something bout they're ending. She thought they were fine and everything and had no problems well one nght he got off work and went over to a girls house not telling anyone where he was going or anything. He's 3 years younger than me so his mom was def wondering where he was at this point. Once they got him home him n his ex talked n he dumped her for the girl whose house he was at. It turned out he was "talking" to one girl while dating his ex so it was almost like he was dating 2 ppl at once until he decided who he wanted more. He has never told me this and never told me anything close to it. I've always asked him why his mom never let's him stay out at night and obviously this is why but he never told me. His ex who is also my friend told me not to ask bout it because she slipped when she started telling me it anyways. I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart but now I just feel like I can't trust him as much. I want to hear it from him but don't know how to go about it because i always thought he was never hiding anything. Ugh please help!! :(
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My goodness, what a situation to be in!
I am sorry that you are tangled up with someone like this, but, if it helps at all, you aren't alone.
This is a very common thing that men and women both do. To give it a name, I call it the used car shuffle.
Just like someone will trade in a used car on a better (in their mind) model, or in some cases an easy car to get into, if you understand me, whenever they are able to.
This guy traded one girl for another. Sad as I am to tell you this... you will be next. It might not be today, or this month, maybe not even this year... but sooner or later, he will move on just like he did before.
People who do this are really not people you want to be with. Consider: He is still with the old girl while he tries out the new girl to see if she gives him what he wants.
The old girl, gets the diseases the new girl has as a parting gift from him.
There just isn't any winning when someone thinks this way.
Please think carefully about this decision.
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You need to flat-out confront him about this.
Tell him what you know and that you're very disturbed that he hasn't trusted you enough to tell you.
Talk to him like a reasonable, mature woman. Don't belittle him about his past mistakes. Just tell him that you're hurt he didn't share this information with you before. Tell him that a relationship means investing full-trust in your partner and you feel he isn't able to do that at this point since he hasn't told you "everything" yet.
There could be a very good reason he hasn't told you. Maybe he's really ashamed. Or maybe he is waiting to do it again in the future. Either way, you absolutely need to know. Confront him like an adult and have a serious talk with him. It's now or never, as they say. You need to take that first step forward and either move on to someone who is a better match or bring your relationship to the next level (meaning: complete trust).
Decide if you want to stay with him or not. If he is "the one" then you are considering staying with him for the rest of your life. That is really what dating is all about. Finding out what you like and dislike about the opposite gender so you know what "the one" is for you--and then settling down when you find your match.
If you cannot see yourself with him 20 years down the road then it's time to call it quits. Simply end the above discussion with something like, "I love you a lot and really care for you deeply but I absolutely cannot see myself with you in the future. I need to move on and find the person who is right for me. This hurts but it's the right thing to do." And then do exactly what you say. Move on.
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